Lets Explore This: Why Do Relationships Go Bad?
There are many reasons that relationships don’t stand the test of time. Some relationships become toxic because of these reasons resulting in harmful and destructive behaviors and the death of the relationship. However, with awareness, acknowledgment, and the willingness to work on these areas, they can be overcome, and your relationship can flourish. Listed below are some of the main reasons relationships fail to thrive and even fail.
Faulty Communication
It is no surprise that communication is the area most couples struggle with and say they need help with. Some the common areas of
communication that often need improvement are:
- Active listening – giving your full attention to your spouse when they are speaking, seeking to learn about them and their perspective, asking questions and repeating back to them what they have said and validating them- even if you disagree with them.
- Understanding – doing your best to see the world from their point of view and thus gaining a better understanding of their thoughts and feelings.
- Empathy – sharing in the feelings of the other person, identifying with their experiences, and becoming a part of their world
Defective Conflict Resolution
This is closely related to faulty communication. If, when you have conflict, you begin to attack each other instead of the problem, you will destroy the loving connection between you. The ability to communicate calmly through conflict as a team is a learned skill and a valuable tool. You and your spouse can learn this skill through Love Recon seminars or Recon Coaching.
Lack of Respect
When you lose respect for your partner, your connection will deteriorate rapidly. Mocking, sneering, becoming hostile, or feeling disgusted are all signs of disrespect or contempt. Studies by John Gottman, marriage researcher, show that contempt is the biggest destroyer of relationships and the leading predictor of divorce.
Loss of Trust
One of the most basic needs in a relationship is the feeling that you are secure with your spouse and trust them. Lack of trust in your spouse can make you wonder if you ever really knew them in the first place. You are dealing with “trust issues’ if:
- Your spouse lies to you.
- Your partner hides their spending or spends extravagantly.
- Your spouse is overly possessive and attempts to isolate you from your friends.
- Your partner is constantly checking up on you.
- Your spouse is extremely jealous.
- You suspect your partner is being unfaithful.
Controlling Behaviors
Controlling behaviors can be many and varied. Your spouse could be controlling about your diet, your dress, your free time, your music or movie choices, your choice of friends, or the big one – money, etc. They may be doing this from love, thinking that they are making your life better. It’s also possible that they are fearful of anything or anyone they can’t control. In either case, controlling behaviors breed resentment and a pulling away from the controller. Often the controller ends up being alone – the very thing they were afraid would happen.
Difference in Priorities and Goals
When you and your spouse cannot or will not support each other’s dreams and goals, it will create a great divide between you. For example, you may have vastly different ideas about family ( kids or no kids), location (suburbs, city, or country), retirement ( at 55, never), finances (save, spend), etc. If you do not have the communication and conflict resolution skills to navigate these differences, you could end up in gridlock – a stalemate.
Lack of Sex & Intimacy
During sex, powerful hormones and endorphins are released, creating feelings of less stress, connection and satisfaction. One of those hormones is Oxytocin, often referred to as the “cuddle chemical.” Your relationship needs sex so that you will stay more connected with each other. One of the complicating factors is the fact that everyone has different levels of sex drive. Another complicating factor is negative sexual history which can diminish or kill sex drive. Without a healthy sex life, you become roommates or friends at best. When sexual intimacy is lost, emotional distance will grow between you.
Apathy
When apathy sets in, when you or your spouse doesn’t care anymore, the situation may be beyond repair. For a relationship to last, you need to want it to work. It could be that you have lost hope and don’t have the right tools to make things work. If this is the case, the relationship is salvageable, and you can rebuild your life and relationship.
People say that “relationships are hard.” On the contrary, relationships are easy. It’s the individuals within them that make them difficult! If you and your partner want the relationship, it will take self-evaluation and growth as well as effort invested into your relationship. Love Recon seminars and Recon Coaching can help. It’s what we do!
