Looking to Destroy Your Relationship Over Money – Here’s How (part 2)
Last time we shared several suggestion about how misusing your money in your relationship can cause serious damage. Now, we’ll wrap it up with some final thoughts on how to treat each other (or not) when it comes to money.
Don’t keep currently informed about your money.
It’s a good idea to have a weekly or monthly meeting to communicate about your financial status. It’s a good time to address how you will handle the unexpected expenses that may have arisen, projected needs, or what you will do with the surplus cash for the month. (You can dream!)
Deny access to accounts.
Particularly if you are married, you and your spouse should have access to all accounts related to your life together. This builds trust and security. To deny access creates room for suspicion and assumptions – mostly negative.
Don’t allow for discretionary spending.
It is smart to add a line item to the budget called “Fun Money.” It is the leftover money in the budget that gets divided between the spouses. There should be no accountability on how each spends their portion. There are freedom and room for individuality as long as each spouse remembers and respects the budget and each other. Remember, as well, to celebrate with your mate any accomplishments and goals achieved within the relationship. Budget for that, too!
Treat your spouse like an irresponsible child.
Treating your spouse like a child financially will breed resentment. Experts say one of the most significant issues couples face when it comes to money is HOW they argue about it. It is not OK to cross the lines during the disagreement and use name-calling or curse words such as “irresponsible.” Teamwork and pulling for each other is crucial in all areas of your relationship, and money is no different. Treat your mate with love and respect and put their wants and needs ahead of your own, and money can draw you closer together instead of tearing you apart.
Refuse to get professional financial help.
Sometimes in life, we just need help seeing our options and making a plan. If you need the help of an outside professional or money mentor, by all means, find a reputable one with whom you are comfortable.
Don’t deal with the emotional fallout.
Often there is emotional and relational damage when money has not been handled wisely. If this is the case, it is vital that you also take action to repair the emotional and relational damage by seeking marriage help through marriage retreats and seminars, counseling, or coaching.
Like most issues in a relationship, money issues can be resolved with excellent communication and a clear understanding of how each of you will work toward healing, forgiveness, love, and mutual respect.