December 23, 2020

What Rings My Bell

To fulfill your mate’s definition of Love, ask! Don’t assume. ~ David Bishop, LoveRecon

Not everyone experiences the feeling of being loved in the same way. We are unique with different personalities and preferences, including how we like to experience love. How would you complete the statement: “I feel loved when…”? Below are some ideas that you might consider as you think about what makes you feel most loved.

I feel loved when:

  • I am shown affection. Holding hands, snuggling on the couch, spooning, a kiss on the neck, hugging or any form of physical affection go a long wayLove Recon Marriage Counseling couple walking in field LoveRecon to making me feel loved.
  • I have honest and open conversation. When my mate and I have a transparent conversation in which we are both honest about our thoughts, hopes, feelings, dreams, wants and/or needs, I feel connected and loved.
  • I am admired and respected. When my spouse expresses their admiration for me – my character, my efforts – I feel loved. When I feel respected in our interactions, when my thoughts and opinions are acknowledged and considered – I feel valued and loved.
  • I receive genuine compliments from my mate. It is great to hear a sincere and thoughtful compliment from the person that I love the most!
  • I am having fun with my mate. Having fun and adventure with my mate makes me feel alive and loved. Laughter and play are important to me.
  • We are having sex. Sexual intimacy makes me feel loved and connected to my mate.
  • My mate does something that lightens my load. When my mate does a job that I normally do or shares a responsibility with me, I feel like I’m a priority and loved.

Choose an expression of love that makes you feel the most loved. It could be one from the list or something else. Then share in your dyad some ideas for how your mate or you and your mate can best express love in this way. After giving your mate some ideas, tell them how you would feel if love were expressed in the way(s) you suggested. Go deeper than just saying “I would feel loved.” Think of other feelings that you would have and share those… a priority, valued, etc.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Express love to your mate 3 times in the next 24 hours in ways that make them feel loved.

Suggested Scripture: John 15:12

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.


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