What Men Need In A Relationship

What Men Need In A Relationship

If you are not aware, men are generally more reluctant than women to discuss their deepest needs in intimate relationships. This could be from conditioning to believe that it is weak to show emotions or express needs, or it could be because of an inability to communicate on this deeper level. Many men are illiterate when expressing emotional needs because they haven’t been taught how to do so.

Needs are not gender specific. In other words, we can’t say that all men need the same things and all women need the same things. In general, however, some needs are common to most men, and others are common to most women. The needs of women will be addressed in another blog. In this blog, the needs of men will be addressed. Below are some of the most common needs of men:

• The tougher the guy, the more tender the ego. Men need reassurance and validation that they are doing an excellent job at home and work, that their efforts are appreciated, and that they are still attractive (among other things.) Tell your man what you find attractive about him – what features appeal most to you. Praise him when he achieves something or makes you feel loved. Appreciation means “to raise in value.” The more you appreciate him, the more valuable he will feel and the more effort he will invest in you and your relationship.

• To a man, respect feels like love. You need to respect who he is, his career, and the things integral to his identity so that he can trust or even love you. He will withdraw and put distance between himself and you.

• Sexual Fulfillment. A man needs to make love to feel loved. While a woman typically connects best through communication, a man connects best through sex. This doesn’t mean that a couple must have sex every day, and sex drives differ from person to person. Think of it this way: If a man and his wife are shopping and he is hungry, if she agrees to go to the food court after the next store, he can relax knowing that he will be fed. Communication and agreement upon how frequently sex will occur and who will initiate helps him to relax and not pressure her. Commitment to meet each other’s needs sexually is vitally important to both spouses.

• This is the need for time apart from each other. Men don’t want to be suffocated, which will happen if their wife won’t allow them free time without making them feel guilty or if she is overly jealous. Men need room to breathe, enjoy hobbies and projects, and spend time with their friends. If a wife supports and encourages him to enjoy time separate from her and engage in healthy activities, he will be happier and look forward to returning to her.

• Safe Place to Fall. This is the need for emotional safety. To open up and be emotionally vulnerable, a man needs to know that he will be accepted and loved, even when he fails. He needs to express his doubts and fears without judgment or rejection. If he can cry in front of his spouse, he will be able to trust her with his emotions and heart.

• Security and Trust. Security and trust are two sides of the same coin. He will feel secure if he knows that he can trust you with his emotions, finances, admiration, respect, giving him space, etc. and that you are in it for the long haul.

• Attractive Spouse. A man wants a spouse that he can be proud of, who cares for and maintains her appearance. This doesn’t mean that she must look like a nineteen-year-old model. “Attractive” may mean different things to different men. If a woman dresses to impress her girlfriends, she may fail to impress her husband. Communicating about what he finds attractive will strengthen the emotional bond between the two.

• Recreational companionship is essential to a man. When he and his wife enjoy recreation together, it draws them closer. It is a kind of intimacy in that he feels fulfilled and loved when she takes time to play with him and enjoys being together.

So, on a scale of 1-10 (1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest), how would you rate your responsiveness to meeting your husband’s needs? If you are a man reading this, how well have you communicated your needs to your spouse? Don’t take for granted that she knows what you need. Talk with her, which is a conversation and most likely one of her emotional needs. That way, you both will be meeting each other’s needs!

If you want to know more about how we can help you build a strong marriage, please contact me at Cliff@LoveRecon.org or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information.