Financial Intimacy: Connecting Through Goals and Financial Values

A lack of financial intimacy and agreement concerning money can create significant disconnect and conflict in a marriage. However, couples who share financial fears, goals, and values can weather any financial storm. Financial intimacy is more than discussing income and expenses. How each person perceives money, spending habits, and dreams for the future, all play a role in shaping a couple’s financial closeness. In this article, we will address the significance of financial intimacy and the impact of different money mindsets, and we will propose some strategies for creating a deeper bond through regular financial communication.

Key Takeaways:

• Financial intimacy builds trust and emotional security in a relationship.
• Agreeing on financial values helps couples work through their differences and spending and saving habits positively.
• Setting shared financial goals gives each person buy-in and builds teamwork
• Open communication about finances honors each person’s feelings and perspectives.
• Creating a shared budget will produce many benefits and give each partner a voice and accountability in financial management.
• Understanding each other’s money mindset creates empathy and understanding when making joint financial decisions.

What’s Financial Intimacy?

Financial intimacy happens when partners in a marriage develop a closeness based on their open communication regarding their financial situation, values, and goals. It is marked by honest discussions about their financial fears and dreams. Teamwork and trust are built, and couples are aligned in their financial present and future. A sense of security for each partner can also develop.    

The Role of Financial Values

Financial values are the foundation for how individuals view and handle money. Values-based financial planning considers the values held by each partner. Attitudes toward debt, spending behaviors, and saving habits are all influenced by our financial values. We must understand each other’s personal values if there is to be unity in our homes. One person might believe that saving to purchase a home is a top priority, while the other might value travel and experiences. If we recognize and validate each other in our differences, productive discussions can occur, and solutions can be arrived at. One person might believe that saving for the purchase of a home is a top priority, while the other person might value travel and experiences. If we respect and validate each other in our differences, productive discussions can occur, and mutually agreeable solutions can be found. 

The Importance of Financial Goals

Setting goals and creating something to look forward to and work toward is a powerful way to enhance financial intimacy. When dreams are articulated – whether it’s buying a house, traveling the world, endowing charities, or retiring early – a shared vision is born. Discussions about budgeting, spending, and saving take on meaning and purpose, and knowing what you want to accomplish as a couple can clarify decisions and unify you as a team.

Saver or Spender – Which One Is Best?

It is not unusual for one person in a couple to be a “saver” and the other a “spender.” Just as we have unique personalities in other areas, we can also have a different money personalities. Savers tend to prioritize budgets and spreadsheets to be prepared for future needs. On the other hand, spenders tend to focus on enjoying the experiences of the present. These differences in money personalities can create conflict and division. However, they can also complement and enrich the relationship. The key, as always, is communication with empathy, understanding, and gratitude. The saver can be grateful that they have a spouse who helps them experience the beauty and joys of the present. The spender can be thankful that their spouse is concerned about the marriage and family’s future and financial security.   

Identifying Our Financial Fears

There are many financial factors, like debt, job insecurity, and emergency expenses, that can bring anxiety and stress to a relationship. In these circumstances of financial insecurity, we can pull away from each other and become alienated. 

Realizing what each of us fears the most about losing finances can help us have honest and open conversations about our current situation. What is it that I fear about having limited financial resources? Does it signify a loss of achieving my dreams? Do I fear loss of influence or respect? Is it the loss of security that makes me feel most anxious? 

If we address our fears openly, we can support one another and collaborate on strategies to mitigate financial risks. Creating an emergency fund or planning to repay a debt are two examples of how we can work together to alleviate some of our fears. 

Building a Financially Intimate Relationship

Engaging in Open Discussions

Communicate, communicate, communicate! So many couples fail to develop financial intimacy because money is an emotional topic that is easier to avoid than to face. We can assume that it will all work out if we love one another. Regular discussions about finances are crucial for developing intimacy. We need to be intentional and schedule time for these conversations. In these meetings, we must create a safe space for both spouses to share their thoughts and feelings. Ask open-ended questions to encourage deeper dialogue. For example, asking, “What do you feel should be our top two financial priorities?” or “What does financial security mean to you?” can help us respect and understand each other on deeper levels.   

Executing Shared Goals

Once we have discussed values and fears and have a deeper understanding of each other in relation to money, we can then work together to define shared financial goals. These goals should be SMART – specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. An example of a SMART financial goal for couples could be:

• Specific: Save $15,000 for a down payment on a house.
• Measurable: Track savings progress through a joint savings account.
• Achievable: Set aside $500 each month from combined incomes.
• Relevant: This goal aligns with the couple’s desire to own a home and build equity.
• Time-bound: Aim to reach this goal within 30 months.

Enjoying the Benefits of a Shared Budget

Creating a budget together doesn’t have to be complicated or painful! Set a meeting time, gather all your financial information, clarify your long-term and short-term goals, use a budgeting app to set up categories, and allocate your funds to the different categories. Establish monthly check-ins and make any needed adjustments. Make sure you collaborate and that each spouse’s needs are being met. Creating a shared budget as a couple offers several benefits: 

• Financial Transparency: A shared budget promotes openness about income, expenses, and financial goals, building trust between partners.
• Aligned Goals: It encourages couples to discuss and align their financial goals, whether saving for a home, vacation, or retirement, ensuring both partners are on the same page.
• Improved Communication: Regular discussions about the budget can enhance communication skills, helping couples talk openly about money matters and any concerns that arise.
• Better Financial Management: A shared budget allows couples to track their spending, identify areas for savings, and make informed decisions about their finances together.
• Conflict Reduction: Couples can reduce misunderstandings and conflicts related to money by clearly understanding financial commitments and responsibilities.
• Shared Responsibility: It distributes financial responsibilities between partners, making it easier to manage expenses and debts without burdening one person.
• Encouragement of Saving: Working together on a budget can motivate couples to save more effectively and stick to their financial plans, ultimately helping them reach their goals faster.
• Emergency Preparedness: A well-planned budget can help couples set aside funds for emergencies, ensuring they are better prepared for unexpected expenses.
• Greater Financial Knowledge: Collaborating on a budget can improve both partners’ understanding of financial concepts, making them more informed and responsible consumers.
• Celebrating Achievements: Celebrate good times! A shared budget allows couples to celebrate their financial milestones together, deepening their financial intimacy. 

Understanding Each Other’s Money Mindset

Individuals have a unique money mindset shaped by their upbringing, experiences, and beliefs. Understanding each other’s perspectives on money can promote empathy and prevent misunderstandings. For instance, one partner may view debt and credit cards as tools for investment, while the other sees them as a burden to be avoided. Discussing these viewpoints can lead to greater harmony in financial decision-making.

Wrap Up

Financial intimacy is an essential component of a healthy and flourishing relationship. Without it, we may experience financial stress and conflict. When we engage in open conversations about our financial values, concerns, and aspirations, we cultivate a stronger bond that goes beyond simply talking about money. Accepting each other’s differing approaches, whether as savers or spenders, can increase our understanding and satisfaction in the relationship. Growing in financial intimacy lays a solid foundation for pursuing our shared dreams while managing our day-to-day financial life together.

Are you ready to enhance your financial intimacy? Schedule a time with each other to discuss your financial values, set shared goals, and create a budget together. Take the first step toward a more connected and financially secure relationship today. If you’d like help, Love Recon seminars and Recon Coaching can help you build all six types of intimacy. It’s what we do!

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• What is financial intimacy?

  Financial intimacy occurs when partners in a marriage develop closeness based on their open communication regarding their financial situation, values, and goals.

• Why is it important to discuss finances in a relationship?

  Discussing finances helps build trust, align goals, and address any money-related fears. Ask open-ended questions to encourage deeper dialogue. For example, asking, “What does financial security mean to you?” can help us to respect and understand each other on deeper levels.

• How can we set shared financial goals?

  Start by discussing your individual dreams and aspirations, then work together to define SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound) goals that reflect both partners’ values.

• What if we have different spending habits?

  Respecting these differences and learning to compromise is crucial. The key is communication with empathy, understanding, and gratitude. The saver can be grateful that they have a spouse who helps them experience the beauty and joys of the present. The spender can be thankful that their spouse is concerned about the marriage and family’s future and financial security.

• How can we create a budget together?

  Set a meeting time, gather all your financial information, clarify your long-term and short-term goals, use a budgeting app to set up categories, and allocate your funds to the different categories. Make sure you collaborate and that each spouse’s needs are being met. Establish monthly check-ins and make any needed adjustments.