Marriage and Mental Health: How to Support Your Struggling Partner

Idealistically, we tend to think of marriage as a partnership of two equals that is built on love, commitment, trust, and mutual support. However, when one partner becomes mentally unwell, the relationship can be severely tested. The issues related to the illness can become overwhelming for both partners, but especially the supportive partner. How can you help to nurture your partner’s mental health? How can you avoid making things worse? This article seeks to answer those questions based on love, compassion, understanding, and patience.   

Key Takeaways:

• Be aware of the different types of mental health issues and how your marriage is being affected by them.
• You are not responsible for your spouse’s healing, but you can support them through understanding and education about their struggles.
• Cultivate compassion and patience through communication.
• Build a safe and supportive environment through boundaries, self-care, and cultivating your spiritual life.
• Remember why you got together and focus on the parts of your marriage outside of the mental illness.

Common Mental Health Issues and Their Effect on Marriage

There are a variety of identified mental health challenges that couples face that can affect their relationships. Listed below are some of the most common forms of mental illness:

1. Anxiety Disorder:

Generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and social anxiety. It can affect communication, increase stress in the relationship, and hinder emotional intimacy.

2. Depression:

Major depression can lead to withdrawal, lack of motivation, and emotional unavailability.

3. Stress: 

Unrelenting stress from work, financial issues, or family problems can lead to bickering and conflict, and distancing from our partner.

4. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD: 

Trust issues can surface due to trauma. When they do, it creates emotional distance and causes communication problems.

5. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD):  

Just as the name says, compulsions and obsessions can interfere with daily routines and interpersonal interactions.

6. Substance abuse: 

Addiction creates financial strain, trust issues, and a plethora of emotional and relational conflicts. 

7. Eating Disorders: 

Anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating are conditions that affect self-esteem thus making it difficult to have a healthy relationship. 

8. Bipolar Disorders:

 With the dramatic mood swings associated with bipolar disorder, there is often confusion and emotional strain for both partners.

9. Personality Disorders:

 Narcissism and borderline personality disorder are two types of mental illness that can create intense emotional reactions and lead to fear of abandonment, mental confusion, and difficulties in making a relationship functional and stable. 

10. Poor Communication:  

Though not a mental health disorder, poor communication is a mental health issue because it can intensify existing mental health issues and lead to conflict and misunderstanding. 

Cultivating Compassion

You cannot heal your partner and should not feel guilty that you cannot “fix” them. You can, however, be supportive and loving, cultivating compassion in the following ways:

1. Listen Actively:  

Listen to what they actually say and repeat it back to them, asking for clarification on anything you didn’t understand. Validate them and their feelings by saying things like, “That must be really tough”, or “ That’s a great insight!”, or whatever is appropriate. 

2. Listen Without Judgement: 

You want your partner to feel loved and accepted and not blamed for their mental illness. Often, simply expressing their thoughts and feelings can diffuse the power of negative thoughts and feelings.

3. Understand and Learn About Their Illness: 

You will be better able to empathize with their mental health challenges if you understand them. Research their diagnosis and learn all that you can about their symptoms and the available treatments. Research support tactics to better equip yourself to respond to them as a person, not just their illness.

4. Be Patient – Don’t Push: 

Your pace may be naturally faster than your spouse’s, and their mental issues may exacerbate that difference. You must guard against expressing frustration and attempting to “push” them to respond or process faster. This could precipitate a meltdown – the opposite outcome that you were pushing for.  

5. Be Aware of What Triggers Anxiety and Depression:  

We all have triggers, and we need to be aware of what our partner’s triggers are. In dealing with mental challenges, anxiety and depression are two of the most debilitating behaviors that a variety of triggers can activate. Knowing, for example, that your partner gets depressed or anxious in crowds can help you to plan your social activities. If elevators trigger anxiety, you can plan to wear athletic shoes and take the stairs!

6. Ask Them What Helps:

Never say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Instead, ask questions like “How can I help?” or “What do you need?” Listen then to what they say and respond accordingly. Maybe they just need a hug, verbal assurance, or space. Don’t assume that you know. 

7. Know When Immediate Help is Required: 

Try to read the signs and be aware of when your partner may be spiraling out of control and is in danger of hurting themselves or others.

Building a Safe and Supportive Environment

A nurturing environment is essential for your partner’s mental health as well as your own. Here are some key elements to building a safe and supportive environment.

1. Stick to a Routine: 

A sense of normalcy occurs with a familiar routine. Discuss it and create daily habits that promote feelings of well-being. These could be regular meals, exercise, and sleep habits.

2. Encourage Professional Help: 

 Mental health professionals can provide valuable tools for both of you to use. Choose one that you “click” with. Get recommendations. Read their online ratings. If one isn’t working for you, then try another. Don’t neglect this critical component of managing the mental health of both of you.

 3. Establish Boundaries: 

Setting boundaries regarding behaviors, time apart, finances, and other couple-related issues will protect and promote the mental health of each of you. 

4. Maintain Good Nutrition: 

A balanced diet is a key factor not only in physical health but also in mental well-being. Energy levels, mood, and sleep patterns can all be affected by what and how much we consume. Healthy eating is especially critical if you are dealing with eating disorders. 

5. Remember Why You are Together: 

Your marriage is more than the mental issues you are dealing with. Honor and focus on your relationship apart from the illness. Celebrate the moments of genuine connection and love. 

Practice Your Spirituality

You are body, soul, and spirit, so give attention to all dimensions that comprise you. Spirituality can be a source of strength as you walk through difficult times. A connection with God provides a sense of purpose in what you are going through and offers hope during tough times.   Here are some ways to include spirituality in your support:

Mindfulness Practices:

Incorporate practices like meditation, yoga, and prayer into your routine. These can help reduce anxiety and engender a sense of peace for you both.

Shared Spiritual Activities: 

Engage in spiritual activities together. Attend worship services together. Join a small group for spiritual, relational, and social support. Spend time in nature communing with each other and your creator.

Encourage Reflection:

 Reflect upon what gives your lives meaning – what you believe and what you value. Rediscovering these can be a powerful motivator for healing.

Conclusion

Dealing with a mental disorder in a relationship requires compassion, patience, and drawing on spiritual resources. If you will actively listen, educate yourself, and integrate spiritual practices into your relationship, you can create an environment that is conducive to healing and growth. Value what brought you together and remember that marriage is a partnership. Learning to manage mental health issues can ultimately strengthen your bond and deepen your intimacy.

If you or your partner is struggling with mental health issues, don’t wait. Take the first step and reach out for help today. Love Recon Events and Recon Coaching can help. 

Recon Coaching Line

1-866-441-7171

Information and Seminar Registration

1-866-218-1716

• How can I tell if my partner is struggling with their mental health?

  Look for signs in their behavior such as mood swings, withdrawal from activities, changes in sleeping or eating patterns, depression, anxiety, and difficulty concentrating. Loving and patient communication can help them be open about their struggles.

• What should I do if my partner refuses to seek help?

  First, approach the topic gently. Express your concern and encourage them to consider professional help. Offer to support them in finding a therapist or attending sessions together. Ultimately, however, it is their choice.

• How can I take care of my mental health while supporting my partner?

  Prioritize self-care, establish boundaries, and seek support from friends or professionals. Caring for your well-being is crucial to sustaining your ability to support your partner.

• What role does spirituality play in mental health recovery?

  Spirituality can provide a sense of purpose, connection, and hope. Engaging in spiritual practices or discussions can build resilience and enhance emotional well-being.