Thriving in the Empty Nest: Help for Parents Navigating the Transition

Dealing with all the transitional issues and emotions of empty nesters can feel overwhelming. Because so many parents have exhibited these emotions, this experience has been dubbed the “empty nest syndrome.” If you are in or are about to be in the midst of this life-changing season, remember to breathe and take heart that others have successfully navigated these waters before you. In this article, we will look at some of the challenges you are facing as an empty nester, how to reconnect with your spouse, some ways to help your child successfully launch, and even considerations about pets and their role in this life transition. 

Key Takeaways:

• Feelings such as grief and sadness, loss of purpose or identity, and loneliness are all normal emotions for empty-nester parents.
• Challenges could include establishing a new daily routine, dealing with a strained relationship with your spouse, and concerns over money and spending.
• Reconnecting as a couple is possible if you intentionally communicate, focus on developing the six types of intimacy, and seek support.
• You can help your child launch well by encouraging their independence, establishing healthy boundaries, celebrating their achievements, and focusing on your own self-improvement and care.
• Pets can play an important role in adjusting to the empty nest. They can act as support animals, require routine and structure, encourage physical activity, and provide comfort.   

Challenges Faced by Empty Nesters

1. Empty Nesters: Purpose and Identity

It is not uncommon for parents to feel that they don’t know who they are apart from being a parent. Now their daily routine, what they do, is changing. Not only what they do, but often who they are is questioned. Parents who have stayed at home to care for the child(ren) and parents who have worked in careers outside the home both feel this impact. They may ask themselves, “If I am not the caregiver, provider, carpool driver, life instructor, or softball coach, then who am I?” For those who have seen their purpose as being a parent, redefining how they see themselves and what they see as their purpose now can be daunting.

2. Empty Nesters: Emotions of Loss

Most, if not all, empty nesters are dealing with the emotions of grief, sadness, and perhaps loneliness. These are the emotions of loss, and the deeper a parent has connected with a child, the stronger they will feel these emotions when their child leaves home. Indeed, it is helpful to acknowledge that you are experiencing a loss,  that your life will never be the same,  and that you are in a new season. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed the five stages of grief model, which is helpful anytime there is a loss. Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Allow yourself to feel your grief and any associated emotions. It often helps to get them out of you and onto a page. Writing in a journal is helpful. If these feelings persist, however, seek professional help and support. 

You can also call the National Depression Hotline at 1-866-629-4564

3. Empty Nesters: Relationship Strain

Ironically, empty nesters can find that they have difficulty connecting now that it is just the two of them. Without children in the home to act as a buffer between them, conflicts that have been just below the surface now erupt. Having focused on the children and therefore neglecting each other, there may be years of unfulfilled wants and needs in their relationship. Resentments and bitterness may have grown like weeds choking out their love.

4. Empty Nesters: Financial Strain

In addition to their relational issues, a couple may struggle with financial concerns. With one or more children in college, money may be extremely tight. Sometimes, with children leaving and entering the workforce, there is more money available in the household of the empty nesters. Financial priorities change. How much to save, spend, invest, etc., may become topics of contention.

5. Empty Nesters: Reconnecting as a Couple

This new chapter of life can be filled with love, adventure, intimate connection, and new experiences. With some effort and intentionality, you can rebuild (or build for the very first time) a mutually satisfying, loving relationship. You are more mature and perhaps have more clarity about who you are and what you want in life and in your relationship. (If not, Love Recon can help. “A better marriage! A better you!” is more than just the byline; it’s a promise to you!) Here are some of the ways that you can reconnect with your partner:

5.1. Practice Open Communication

Use the tools like listening to learn, mirroring, and validating your partner in your communication. Create a safe environment where neither of you feels judged. Communication is the foundation of a good marriage and relationship. If you are struggling with getting on the same page, seek the help of a relationship coach or counselor. 

5.2. Prioritize Quality Time

Even though your nest is empty, leave the house and go on a date! Your home has too many distractions and the idea is to have focused-on-each-other time. Consider adopting the 2-2-2 approach to quality time. Every 2 weeks have a date night out. Every 2 months, take an overnight getaway. Every 2 years, enjoy a longer vacation with just the two of you. No kids- not even grown ones!

5.3. Set Goals

One of the best things you can do to reconnect is plan for the future together. It will give you something to look forward to. It can be a dream vacation, a home remodel, or a retirement plan. Create a shared vision, and then go for it! 

5.4. Shared Interests and Experiences

Find a hobby or activity that you both can enjoy. Try new experiences that will create fresh memories and help you to bond over new challenges.

5.5. Develop the Six Types of Intimacy

Intimacy is more than sex. Besides physical intimacy, there are emotional, experiential, spiritual, intellectual, and financial intimacy. To build a strong bond and resilience in your relationship, be intentional about growing with your spouse in all these areas. 

Helping Your Child to Launch

Even though it is sometimes painful, our goal as parents is to have an empty nest. Our job and duty is to help our children successfully launch into the world as contributing adults. When we do, it is deeply satisfying, and we can be proud of both our child and ourselves for a job well done. While there are no guarantees of success, here are some things we can do to help our child launch successfully.

1. Encourage Independence

We can support our children and encourage their independence by allowing them to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. Having their responsibilities also makes them believe in their abilities to produce and succeed. A child doesn’t build self-esteem by being told he is good, smart, capable, etc. She gains it by actually doing things that build her self-confidence.

2. Create and Maintain Boundaries

Your child needs to know that your relationship with them is changing. Setting clear and healthy boundaries is one of the best ways to help them- and you- adjust to this new way of relating. It will also reinforce their sense of independence. Set boundaries regarding communication, visits, and finances.

3. Celebrate Their Accomplishments

Be their biggest cheerleader! Acknowledge and celebrate their achievements and milestones. Let them know that you love them, are proud of them, and see that they are really good at (their area of accomplishment). This will strengthen their sense of independence.

4. Invest in Yourself

This is a great time to focus on your personal growth and development. Invest time into your personal interests, and your children will grow to appreciate the fact that you are a person and not just a parent. Shift your focus from your child(ren) and examine yourself. Clarify what you want to accomplish in the next five years and communicate it to your family and friends. 

5. Seek Support

Joining a group of empty nesters could provide support and accountability. Attending workshops for empty nesters would provide community for those sharing your experience. Making new friends and being less available to your child(ren) also lets them know that you are moving into this new chapter, and so should they.

What about the Dog? Empty Nesting and Pets

What about the dog – or the cat- that is left behind when their main person leaves the nest? Or what purpose(s) could a pet fulfill in your time of transition to the empty nest and afterward? Consider these thoughts on the support that a pet could offer:

1. Companionship

A pet can lessen or alleviate the loneliness we referred to earlier. Pets love unconditionally and provide emotional support, amusement, and companionship. 

2. Structure

Establishing a routine when caring for a pet is necessary. This routine can give empty nesters the structure and sense of purpose they may be missing in their lives.

3. Physical Activity

Dogs are the best for this benefit of having a pet. They require walks and playtimes that improve physical health and enhance mood by releasing endorphins. 

4. Social Interaction

When my wife and I, empty nesters, walk our dog in the neighborhood, we connect with other pets and their owners. We learn their names and often have brief conversations that make us feel connected with our neighbors in a way that we otherwise wouldn’t. These conversations have occasionally led to further social engagements.

5. Emotional Healing

The presence of a pet that offers unconditional love to you brings comfort in sadness. Their non-judgmental companionship is like a balm for your hurting heart. 

In conclusion, the empty nest period in parents’ lives is challenging as they launch their children into the world. However, it also is a time of new opportunities and adventures. Although there may be heavy emotions to deal with, like grief and loneliness, they can serve as a motivation to seek a deeper connection with your spouse. Also, having pets in your home can provide emotional support and companionship in a non-judgmental, healing manner. Ultimately, the empty nest is not just the loss of a way of life but a new beginning for those willing to open themselves to a rich and rewarding future. 

Love Recon Coaching and Seminars can help you successfully navigate the empty nester syndrome and connect on deeper levels with your partner. Call us today! 

Recon Coaching Line

1-866-441-7171

Information and Seminar Registration

1-866-218-1716

• Is feeling sad that I am an empty nester normal?

  Yes, it’s normal. Feelings such as grief and sadness, loss of purpose or identity, and loneliness are all normal emotions for empty-nester parents.

• What are the challenges facing empty nesters?

  Challenges could include establishing a new daily routine, dealing with a strained relationship with your spouse, and concerns over money and spending.

• Is it possible to reconnect with my partner now that we are empty nesters, or is it too late?

  Reconnecting as a couple is possible if you intentionally communicate, focus on developing the six types of intimacy, and seek support.