Here Are Top Ten Qualities of a Good Mate
Which qualities matter most in a mate? Suppose you are single and considering this question. In that case, it is would certainly be advisable for you to be aware of the following characteristics in those with whom you are socially interacting or dating. For both singles and couples reading this, remember the adage, “be the person you would want to be with, “and use these qualities for self-evaluation and personal growth as well.
Ten Qualities of a Good Mate
- Attractive to you. There’s nothing wrong with desiring to have an attractive mate and using this as a criterion for a relationship. You
certainly wouldn’t want to live with someone you weren’t attracted to. However, this is where we can get into trouble. Let’s be stereotypical for the sake of the discussion. If a beautiful woman who has only graduated high school is attractive to you, but one of your criteria is for your mate to have at least a master’s degree, you might abandon your requirement and resent it later. If you enter a relationship with a man who’s attractive, largely in part because he is wealthy but ignore his drinking problem, you could be headed for trouble and heartache.
- A desire to learn and grow. A willingness to learn and grow on both of your parts will create fascinating conversations and experiences. This kind of person will always be interesting to you. Curiosity about life and experiences will cultivate your growth and the growth of your relationship. People who want to learn about themselves, others, and the world tend to be more tolerant and understanding as well.
- Strength and sensitivity. The ability to handle adversity and bend like a tree in the wind, yet not splinter or break, is an excellent attribute in life and relationships. Sensitivity, in part, is the ability to see what’s going on and make adjustments – the opposite of burying one’s hand in the sand and hoping that things will get better.
- Gut check or blind eye test. What do you feel in your gut regarding this person? Do you feel that they are a “good” person? Are they trustworthy? Do you feel love toward them? Do you feel fully accepted and loved by them? Close your eyes, and what do you think of their kindness, loyalty, and devotion to you? What do you sense about their ability to know themselves and not depend on others to make them happy? Don’t ignore your thoughts and feelings!
- Partner in pain. Can they express it to you when they feel emotional distress or injury? Are they able to empathize with you when you are in pain? It’s wonderful to have fun or romantic experiences, but we all need someone to walk with us through the tough times as well.
- People who are forgiving are less angry and happier. They tend to be less critical of you and themselves. Being able to forgive is one of the essential tools for building a healthy relationship. A relationship won’t thrive without it.
- Similar life passions and purpose. If you have a partner whose purpose is complementary, not contradictory, to yours, you will be able to support and encourage one another. If not, you may find yourselves in perpetual conflict or with one of you giving up your personal hopes and dreams. If your passions are similar, you will make many wonderful memories together.
- One of the key components of true love is acceptance. No two people are the same. There are differences in personality, energy level, sex drive, personal preferences, etc. Some of these are the reason(s) that we were attracted to this person in the first place. It is not uncommon for those things that appealed to a couple about each other can now serve as a source of contention and friction between them. Accepting and even learning to appreciate the differences between each other is key to a satisfying and fulfilling marriage.
- Good listener. A partner who listens to you validates you. They may disagree with you, but they value you and your opinions, thoughts, and feelings. They let you know this by paying attention to you, not interrupting you, and by asking for clarification from your perspective. They respond respectfully and do not put you down. They are “into you.” (And, of course, this implies that you do the same for them!)
- Sense of humor. Yes, a good sense of humor seems to make the list of qualifications of every person on dating websites. There is a reason. It is important! The ability to laugh at oneself and not take oneself too seriously is an important character quality in human interactions. Finding humor in challenging circumstances can certainly lighten the load and make things more bearable for everyone. So don’t underestimate the value of a good sense of humor.
The “BIG” Evaluator
The most important thing that you can do – the biggest evaluation tool you can use- is behavior. Both their behavior and yours are powerful clues to what your relationship with them will be like, so pay attention!
- Their behavior.
- The behavior of your potential partner will let you know what their actual values are. They may say they are not materialistic, but their behavior would indicate otherwise. They might espouse healthy eating and regular exercise but eat burgers and fries in excess and never work out. They may proclaim spiritual values, yet they don’t engage in spiritual practices except on special occasions.
- The behavior of your potential partner will also allow you to see into their character. Observe how they treat their families, their friends, and people who serve them. (I’m pretty sure that children and pets really are great judges of character!) How do they handle their finances? How do they spend their time?
- Your behavior. The big question for you is, “What is my behavior like when I am with them?” Do you change your behavior? Do you become “someone else?” If so, do you like the “someone else” that you become? A good question to ask yourself is, “Do they make my life larger or smaller when I am with them?” For example, when a well-known celebrity couple was divorcing a few years ago, the husband remarked, “I don’t like who I was when I was with her.”
Life is too short to try to be someone else to gain love. As the saying goes, “You be you,” and you will attract people who will love you for your authentic self. It may require patience and being intentional about your own personal growth and development while waiting. Only you can ultimately decide if someone is the right person and if this is the right time to confirm your relationship or marry them. Attending a Love Recon seminar or engaging a Recon Master Coach would be an ideal way to help you make these decisions. It’s what we do!
