Top 20 Indicators Of A Commited Relationship
Are you wondering if your relationship is a “committed relationship?” Even if you are married, there can be times when you may question the strength of the bond between you and your partner.
First of all, what is a committed relationship? A committed relationship is one in which you and your partner, with solid intention, say “yes” to one another and a future together. This commitment is preceded by conversations about future hopes, dreams, and plans for yourselves and the relationship. It is made with the understanding that you will love and accept one another not only for who you are now but who you will become as you change and grow in life.
SIGNS OF A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
- A commitment statement. Traditional wedding vows are statements of love and commitment, taking into account the changes that can occur “for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until we are separated only by death.” You can create a commitment statement unique to you and your relationship, frame it, and display it where you will see it and be reminded frequently.
- Greeting each other. Coming in and going out, getting up and going to bed – greet each other with love and affection. No matter what issues committed couples are dealing with, they acknowledge one another in this way. To greet each other signifies that “I see you and value you, even if we are not agreeing on something and even if I am hurt or angry at the moment.”
- Talking about your dreams and desires. Talking about your individual and couple’s dreams and goals signifies that you are committed to a future together. You can then support each other in achieving your personal goals and work as a team to achieve your couple goals.
- Spending a “chunk” of time together. Since your partner is your “life partner,” you want to “do life” with them. That isn’t easy if you are not spending time together. Take note of what makes you feel loved and connected and do those things. This is not about sex, although that could certainly make you feel more loved and connected. It is about something that you both find fun, challenging physically or mentally, inspiring, etc., together. Of course, this can be challenging if one of you is deployed in the military or working conflicting shifts. Although spending time in person is ideal, the internet is the next best option. Writing love letters is an often overlooked but very bonding and connecting practice as well. You can pour your hearts out onto paper, and your spouse can read and re-read them over and over.
- Being best friends. In a committed relationship, couples become each other’s best friends – sharing secrets, becoming vulnerable, speaking the truth in love, having each other’s back, etc. No person is as close to as your spouse.
- Communicating honestly and openly. Committed couples feel safe to be vulnerable and honest because they know their partner will not leave when things are tough. Although there are many communication tools, two indispensable ones are:
- listening to learn your partner’s feelings and perspective,
- valuing their feelings and perspective, even if you disagree with them. (validation)
- Appreciating your partner. Simply saying “thank you” for even the little things we tend to take for granted keeps you focused on the positive and less likely to become discontent.
- Not playing the “Blame Game” or threatening to leave. Attempting to fix the blame never fixes the problem, and threatening to leave indicates a lack of maturity and commitment to the relationship. Nuff said!
- Not attempting to change your partner. You’re committed to loving the person as they are, not as you would have them to be. Give them space and encourage them to grow, but don’t try to force them to be someone they’re not.
- Engaging in spiritual practices. Shared spiritual practices signify one-ness in mind, heart, and spirit. The writer of Ecclesiastes says that a relationship that includes God is like a cord of three strands that is not easily broken.
- Learning to sacrifice and compromise. Long-term, satisfying marriages are those in which both partners have learned when to sacrifice and when to compromise.
- Agreeing before proceeding. Deciding together on matters that affect you both, and most things do in a relationship, is imperative. For example, one of you may be more enthusiastic than the other about the decision, yet you are on board because you know it will make your spouse happy.
- Knowing the other’s friends and family. Making the effort to know and understand your mate’s family and friends helps you to know and understand him/her.
- Creating family traditions. Traditions are “ties that bind” couples and families. Some may be a continuance of each of your family of origin. Others will be ones that you establish for your relationship.
- Serving each other and meeting each other’s needs. Committed couples are intentional about caring for each other and meeting each other’s emotional needs. Knowing your partner’s Love Language is vital in making them feel loved. Don’t underestimate small acts of kindness like charging their phone or making their protein shake. In short, adjust your life to meet the needs of your partner. When you do this, it becomes a love war – each attempting to love the other better!
- Telling your love story. Long-term committed couples often delight in telling their love story and why they fell in love. They reminisce about the months and years that they have shared.
- Making intimacy a priority. Intimacy is more than just sex or physical closeness. It is emotional closeness and can be developed through having fun, working through finances, enjoying conversations about things you care about, etc.
- Being intentional about sex and keeping it fresh. Sex can be a bonding and enriching experience for both partners. Making time for it and understanding your spouse’s needs and desires in this area is vital to the health of your relationship. Don’t allow it to be relegated to the back burner or get stale and unfulfilling.
- Keeping promises. This one goes without saying. Trust is vital in a relationship. Being honest and consistent over time builds trust.
- Celebrating relationship milestones. We celebrate what we love and whom we love. So it makes sense that committed couples would celebrate important moments and events in their relationship.