Hot Buttons-Learning How to Manage Them

Hot Buttons-Learning How to Manage Them

Hot buttons make plain and clear the areas in which we need to heal and grow. ~ Cliff Poe, LoveRecon

Begin with sharing Highs and Lows, then do today’s discussion and application.

Hot buttons are a part of every person, and therefore they are a part of every relationship. You would not be human if you did not have emotional responses to events, statements made by others or the actions of others, including your spouse.

The goal in addressing hot buttons is not to eradicate them. That would make you a robot with no emotions. The goal is to recognize them and manage them so they don’t rule your life and your relationships. And you can help your mate manage their hot buttons as well.

So, what are your hot buttons? Are they still the same as when you went through LoveRecon? Have you become aware of any more? Each of you look at the list and identify your two “hottest” buttons. They could be the same as shared in LoveRecon or they could be different. This is not a comprehensive list, so feel free to add any that are hot buttons for you.

My button gets pushed when I feel….

Judged	Condemned	Unimportant
Lonely	Despairing	Unwanted
Powerless	Rejected	Threatened
Invalidated	Failure	Controlled
Feeling Defective	Misunderstood	Disconnected
Devalued	Not Trusted	Afraid
Abandoned	Worthless	Unhappy
Neglected	Humiliated	Ignored

Every hot button has an origin, and it is not your spouse! What made your hot button an emotional trigger? Was it a controlling mother or a father who devalued your thoughts and opinions? What is being humiliated or bullied at school?

Dyad

Share with your mate the origin of your two hot buttons.

In LoveRecon, we taught you three steps to managing your hot button. The first thing that you do is take ownership of it. You say to yourself, “I’m being triggered and I feel________”. (Insert the name of the hot button: controlled, neglected, etc.) The next step in managing the hot button is to “expose the lie and embrace the truth” about the hot button. Hint: The truth is usually the opposite of the hot button! The third step is to share with your spouse how they might help you in managing this button.

Example: I get triggered when I feel worthless. The truth is, I am valuable and loved. You can help me manage this button by telling me that you love me at random times and giving me a hug.

Alternate sharing your hot buttons following the script below:

• If for some reason you feel that you are being triggered to the “point of no return,” go to Day 23, “Time Out”.

A: Complete the following statements

• “I get triggered when I feel…” (Insert the name of the hot button).
• “The truth is…”
• “You can help manage this button by…”

B: Complete the following statements

• “I get triggered when I feel…” (Insert the name of the hot button).
• “The truth is…”
• “You can help manage this button by…”

If you have more hot buttons that you would like to process with your mate, simply follow the three steps above.

End with a hug, a kiss and a prayer or wish for your mate!

TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Find an interesting location for a photo shoot and then take pictures of each other. Do fun, unusual poses. Print them and make a scrapbook or post them on social media for your friends to see.

Wnat to know how we can help you turn your marriage into something amazing?

• How can we improve communication in our relationship?

  Improving communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Avoid interrupting and show empathy towards their feelings. Regularly check in with each other about your needs and feelings, and set aside time for meaningful conversations without distractions.

• What should we do if we have different interests?

  It’s natural for couples to have different interests. Embrace your individuality while finding common activities you both enjoy. Respect and support each other’s hobbies and passions. You can also try introducing each other to your interests and see if there are new things you might both enjoy together.

• How can we keep the romance alive after many years together?

  Keeping the romance alive requires effort from both partners. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and maintain physical affection. Communication is key—express your love and appreciation for each other frequently. Also, make time for new experiences and adventures together to keep the relationship exciting.

• What is the best way to handle disagreements and conflicts?

  Handling disagreements requires calm and respectful communication. Focus on the issue at hand without resorting to personal attacks. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Find a compromise or solution that works for both of you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist if needed.

• How can we build trust in our relationship?

  Building trust takes time and consistency. Be honest and transparent with each other, and follow through on your commitments. Show reliability and dependability in both big and small matters. Address any breaches of trust openly and work together to rebuild it. Trust is reinforced through consistent actions and open communication.