How Can a “Hike” Help Me With My Relationship? pt. 4 of 4 (guilt & shame)

Cliff Poe

November 30, 2020

Rock 4- Unhealthy Guilt & Shame

Shame is like an anchor, if you allow it, it will drag you much deeper than necessary.
~David Bishop, LoveRecon

It is important that you differentiate between healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt. Guilt is about what we do or don’t do. Healthy guilt lets us know when we have been wrong so that we can make corrections, make amends and grow.

Unhealthy guilt condemns us and tells us that we ought to be a better person, that we should be something that we’re not or shouldn’t be something that we are. It is that nagging voice that always makes us feel inadequate or not good enough no matter how hard we try. It is often used by others to manipulate us into doing what they want us to do.

Shame is about who we are. It is closely related to unhealthy guilt. It’s about our identity and how we view ourselves. “I’m no good,” “I’m defective.” Shame makes us want to withdraw from others. It makes us feel hollow, powerless and worthless.

You can feel shameful for many reasons. Growing up in poverty, experiencing a family scandal, being overweight, having suffered abuse in any form – are just a few of the sources of toxic shame.

Shame-prone individuals are vulnerable to problems associated with alcohol and drugs. Frequently, substance abuse serves to mask or numb painful feelings of shame and despair. This can lead to addiction which tends to only compound the shame.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Pack a lunch for your sweetheart to take to work. Make sure it includes some of their favorites… and maybe a couple of surprises, too!

How can we improve communication in our relationship?

Improving communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Avoid interrupting and show empathy towards their feelings. Regularly check in with each other about your needs and feelings, and set aside time for meaningful conversations without distractions.
What should we do if we have different interests?

It’s natural for couples to have different interests. Embrace your individuality while finding common activities you both enjoy. Respect and support each other’s hobbies and passions. You can also try introducing each other to your interests and see if there are new things you might both enjoy together.
How can we keep the romance alive after many years together?

Keeping the romance alive requires effort from both partners. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and maintain physical affection. Communication is key—express your love and appreciation for each other frequently. Also, make time for new experiences and adventures together to keep the relationship exciting.
What is the best way to handle disagreements and conflicts?

Handling disagreements requires calm and respectful communication. Focus on the issue at hand without resorting to personal attacks. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Find a compromise or solution that works for both of you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist if needed.
How can we build trust in our relationship?

Building trust takes time and consistency. Be honest and transparent with each other, and follow through on your commitments. Show reliability and dependability in both big and small matters. Address any breaches of trust openly and work together to rebuild it. Trust is reinforced through consistent actions and open communication.

How Can a “Hike” Help Me With My Relationship? pt. 4 of 4 (guilt & shame)

Rock 4- Unhealthy Guilt & Shame

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