Make Your Spouse Your Best Friend

Make Your Spouse Your Best Friend – YOU NEED A FRIEND

Everyone needs a friend that we can trust and with whom we can share our deepest thoughts and feelings. This person won’t judge or sabotage us but will be thrilled for us when we succeed and make us feel more significant, not smaller. A friend like this is the person that you turn to when things are challenging, exciting, or when you need an objective perspective on something vital to you. There’s a reason that a television show about friends resonated with a whole generation.

Is it possible to have such a person in your life? Could your spouse be that person, that special friend that you desire to have in your life? Imagine that your spouse is a friend that you can trust completely. It is possible. Satisfyingly good marriages are built on such friendships. If you and your spouse don’t enjoy such a friendship, don’t be disheartened. You can. Invest in the relationship and be willing to make the necessary changes. You can build a friendship with your mate to withstand the storms that come and stand the test of time.

INVEST TIME IN THE RELATIONSHIP

There is no such thing as quality time without a quantity of time. Yes, ten or fifteen minutes of focused time here and there can help you stay connected, but to become “soulmates” takes time. It is essential to “hang out” together doing ordinary things, talking, and finding humor in situations. Taking the time to get out of town so that you can be in a carefree environment, away from your stressors, will strengthen your bond. New adventures, concerts, events all can be experiences that add to your intimacy because you share them together and with no one else. When you re-engage with the world – kids, jobs, etc.- you will have a stronger bond that outside pressures can’t weaken.

FIND COMMON INTERESTS TO SHARE

Most men desire more recreational activities with their spouses than they are experiencing. It’s not only girls that “just wanna have fun!” Finding interests and activities that you both can participate in and enjoy is a key to building a friendship. Pay attention to what your spouse likes to do and do your best to learn about it. If they are sports fans, learn about their favorite team and players and watch games/matches with them periodically. Gardening, birdwatching, hiking, history, movies, travel, health and fitness, and the list goes on. Whatever it is, do it together. Bonding happens when you do things together, even if you talk very little during the activity.

EXPRESS GENUINE INTEREST

If you want connection and friendship with your spouse, express genuine interest in them and what they have to say. No doubt, when your relationship was new, you hung on every word they spoke and noticed every gesture or body movement they made. With the familiarity that comes with the mundane and ordinary, you may be expressing little interest in your spouse. Instead, listen attentively and empathetically to what they have to say. Don’t miss the opportunity to give them a quick hug or pat when you pass by them. Let them know that you see them, hear them, and value them.

SHOW KINDNESS

Kindness has been defined as “love in action.”  We can proclaim our love and commitment to our spouses, but unless we are kind to them, they will not feel loved. Find out their love language. Ask what they want or need. Being kind is first being aware of your spouse, and what they need or are going through. Be sensitive. Be supportive. Be kind.

MAXIMIZE THE “SMALL MOMENTS”

It’s not the occasional “big” moments that build your marriage. It’s the hundreds of small moments that you share. It’s folding laundry together or offering to help with the grocery shopping or house cleaning and talking while you do. It’s not being glued to your phone and missing the moment to interact. Every day there are opportunities to show love in the seemingly small moments.

DEVELOP DAILY LOVE HABITS

One thing that friends often do is develop habits and rituals. For instance, they meet up weekly for “Taco Tuesday” at a local restaurant or a favorite watering hole after work on Fridays. You and your spouse can develop rituals or habits that will help maintain and increase your closeness as well. For instance, you could:

• Text each other at least once daily
• Kiss each other good morning, good night, and/or goodbye
• Pray together
• Share a meal or a drink together
• Have a daily dyad- a fully engaged, eye to eye, sit-down conversation for 5-15 minutes as taught in Love Recon and Recon Coaching.

As these rituals become part of your life and your relationship, no day seems complete without them.

ENGAGE IN OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION

The best friends are those with whom you can have forthright conversations. They will speak the truth in love to you when no one else can or will. You can receive it and consider it because you know that they have your back and are in your corner. If you and your spouse are honest with one another, you will build a foundation of trust for your relationship. You will want to share everything with your best friend,  your spouse.

EXPRESS YOUR GRATITUDE

Recognize what your spouse does and how they contribute to your life, and thank them. Notice the small things, not just the large ones. Let them know that you “get to” do life with them, and you are thankful for their partnership. Express how they contribute to helping you live out your life’s purpose.

Good friends are hard to find, and so is a life partner. However, you can have both in your spouse if you are willing to invest in your relationship. Your spouse can be your best friend.

If you want the tools to help you and your spouse become best friends or best friends again, a Love Recon marriage retreat for couples and Recon Coaching can help.

• How can we improve communication in our relationship?

  Improving communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Avoid interrupting and show empathy towards their feelings. Regularly check in with each other about your needs and feelings, and set aside time for meaningful conversations without distractions.

• What should we do if we have different interests?

  It’s natural for couples to have different interests. Embrace your individuality while finding common activities you both enjoy. Respect and support each other’s hobbies and passions. You can also try introducing each other to your interests and see if there are new things you might both enjoy together.

• How can we keep the romance alive after many years together?

  Keeping the romance alive requires effort from both partners. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and maintain physical affection. Communication is key—express your love and appreciation for each other frequently. Also, make time for new experiences and adventures together to keep the relationship exciting.

• What is the best way to handle disagreements and conflicts?

  Handling disagreements requires calm and respectful communication. Focus on the issue at hand without resorting to personal attacks. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Find a compromise or solution that works for both of you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist if needed.

• How can we build trust in our relationship?

  Building trust takes time and consistency. Be honest and transparent with each other, and follow through on your commitments. Show reliability and dependability in both big and small matters. Address any breaches of trust openly and work together to rebuild it. Trust is reinforced through consistent actions and open communication.