Take a Look at Yourself and Your Attitude

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is more important to your success in life and relationships than your attitude. ~ Cliff Poe, LoveRecon

Your life and your marriage are a reflection of your attitude.

It is so easy to adopt a negative and cynical attitude if we look around us and see the tragedy and injustice in the world as reported by the media. Each of us also experiences heartache and injustice in our own lives which can make us turn sour on the world and have a negative effect on our relationship. Not only does this negative attitude prevent you from fully enjoying your own life, it also dampens the fun, romance, connection, joy and creativity in your marriage.

One of the best things that you can give to your spouse is your positive attitude.

Not everyone sees the glass as “half-full”, but even if you are “an Eyore” (as in Winnie the Pooh), you can train yourself to have a good and positive attitude. Yes, there are always things that could be better about your life or marriage, but don’t let that rob you of the good things that are there as well.

A positive change that leads to a better attitude is to say “get to” instead of “have to” when you refer to your marriage. Think things like, “I get to have a daily dyad with my spouse. I get to focus on the good things about him/her. I get to work through this issue with a person whom I love and who loves me.”

Another idea is to develop a gratitude journal and share it with your spouse. Each day, write down what you are thankful for in your life. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about your relationship. Include why you are grateful for this thing/person. It can be anything that adds value to your life like, “I am really grateful for a good night’s sleep because I feel refreshed and ready for the day,” or “I am thankful that Jim is my friend because I can always depend on him for honest feedback” or “I love that the flowers in the front beds are so beautiful this year because they make me feel happy.

Now, in your dyad, share with each other three things that you are grateful for, other than your spouse, and say why you are grateful for them. It can be anything as long as you are genuinely appreciative that this thing or person(s) are a part of your life. It’s all about attitude! Take turns until you have each share three.

“I am grateful for _ because_ .” (3X)

Now focus on each other and what you “get to” do for each other and for your relationship. Think of some of the tougher things that you each or both are facing. Think of three things that it would bless your mate to know that you have a positive attitude about and use the phrase “get to” instead of “have to.”

Examples: “I’m glad that we get to tackle our debt as a team,” or “I’m glad that I get to remodel this house with you,” or “I’m thankful that I get to be here for you in dealing with your health issues.” Take turns until you have each shared three.

“I am glad that I get to __.” (3X)

End with a hug, a kiss and a wish or prayer for your mate!

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• How can we improve communication in our relationship?

  Improving communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Avoid interrupting and show empathy towards their feelings. Regularly check in with each other about your needs and feelings, and set aside time for meaningful conversations without distractions.

• What should we do if we have different interests?

  It’s natural for couples to have different interests. Embrace your individuality while finding common activities you both enjoy. Respect and support each other’s hobbies and passions. You can also try introducing each other to your interests and see if there are new things you might both enjoy together.

• How can we keep the romance alive after many years together?

  Keeping the romance alive requires effort from both partners. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and maintain physical affection. Communication is key—express your love and appreciation for each other frequently. Also, make time for new experiences and adventures together to keep the relationship exciting.

• What is the best way to handle disagreements and conflicts?

  Handling disagreements requires calm and respectful communication. Focus on the issue at hand without resorting to personal attacks. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Find a compromise or solution that works for both of you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist if needed.

• How can we build trust in our relationship?

  Building trust takes time and consistency. Be honest and transparent with each other, and follow through on your commitments. Show reliability and dependability in both big and small matters. Address any breaches of trust openly and work together to rebuild it. Trust is reinforced through consistent actions and open communication.