WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? – P2

How to Handle Your Relationship Fears

What do you do with your fears about your relationship? How do you move forward and overcome the fears that could create more and more distance between you and your mate?

• First of all, make a list of the fears that you have about your relationship or partner. Be as specific as you can.  Writing the list in your own
• handwriting will help you own your emotions and get them out of you and onto paper.
• Next, go through your list and evaluated just how realistic each fear is. Has your mate acted or talked in such a way that gives credence to the fear?  Is this a fear that stems from your childhood or a previous relationship and has nothing to do with your partner?
• Now, answer the question about each of the fears: “Is this fear harming my relationship?” If so, then answer the next question: “How is it harming my relationship?”
• After you have done this for each fear, pick the most significant fear or the one that is the most harmful to your relationship. Thoughts influence our emotions, which in turn influence our behavior. It is vital that you look at what you are thinking and believing that is creating the fear.
• Now ask yourself, “What do I believe about this?” For instance, if your fear is abandonment, you might be believing that all men/women leave you.  Write down the belief that is hurting you.
• The next step is to deal with your fear proactively. What would be good ways to push against the fear that you have identified as creating problems?  This time make a list of ideas for how you could move forward through that fear.  For instance, in the case of the fear of abandonment, your list might include:  having a conversation with your mate about your anxiety and how he/she can help you deal with it; filling your schedule with healthy activities when your mate is going to be gone for a few days; seeing a therapist about this fear.
• Now, choose at least one of the actions and do it! If the idea requires courage, you are on the right track!

A few closing pointers for dealing with anxiety would be:

• Communicate! Talk about your feelings with your mate if they are safe. If they are not safe, then that’s were a trusted friend or counselor can help. Don’t pull back into your shell!
• Don’t avoid your mate or situations that might trigger your fear. Face the fear and move through it.  If you have talked with your mate, they can be aware of your feelings and support you.
• Stay fully engaged with life and especially in your relationship. Withdrawing emotionally could signal to your mate that you are rejecting him/her.
• Act the opposite of how you feel. If you feel like withdrawing, for example, then doing something that expresses your love to your mate.  The adage is true: “You can’t feel your way to an action, but you can act your way into a feeling.”

Anxieties and fears can cause you to stay in an unhealthy relationship, or they can kill a healthy one.  As you read both parts of this blog, perhaps you became aware that most of your anxieties and fears stem from experiences in youth and childhood.  In LoveRecon, you will have the opportunity to work on your individual issues apart from your mate and the chance to work on your couple relationship together with them.

So, the final word is: “Don’t give in or give up!  Don’t get comfortable with your fears.” You can know peace and freedom from fear. It is possible to experience a love that is secure and free of anxiety!