What I Needed Growing Up and Now

What I Needed Growing Up and Now – Validation and A Relationship Exercise

Only the pain we feel and acknowledge can heal. Our heart only needs our own permission to heal.

~ Angie Craft, LoveRecon

Because none of us had perfect parents, there were certain needs that may not have been met by your parents as you were growing up. Your parents may have been model parents in the way that they raised you, and yet there may have been needs that weren’t met, such as a need for “space” to fail and grow or to have autonomy. On the other hand, your parents may have been guilty of neglect or abuse – even abandonment – when you were growing up. Circumstances or the lack of the ability or desire to meet your needs by your parents may have left a void in your life. Your mate can play a powerful role in the healing of your emotions by hearing and validating your feelings.

Dyad

The wife will be “A” and will go first in sharing about any damage that was passed down and then what she needed from her father and her
mother. She will answer all the questions. Then switch roles and the husband will share through all the questions.

A: Tell your mate what damage has been passed down from your parents and how your life would be different if you could heal from it.

B: Repeat back what you heard.

A: Tell your mate what you needed from your father that you didn’t get.

B: Repeat back what you heard and validate your mate’s feelings. (“What I heard you say…” and “That must have been so hard.” or “I’m so sorry that happened,” etc. If the sharing was positive, then, “I’m so glad that was your experience growing up,”, etc.)

A: My relationship with my father affects our relationship by…

A: Tell your mate what you needed from your mother that you didn’t get.

B: Repeat back what you heard and validate your mate’s feelings. (“What I heard you say…” and “That must have been so hard.” or “I’m so sorry that happened”, etc. If the sharing was positive, then, “I’m so glad that was your experience growing up”, etc.)

A: My relationship with my mother affects our relationship by…

Now it is B’s turn.

B: Tell your mate what damage has been passed down from your parents and how your life would be different if you could heal from it.

A: Repeat back what you heard.

B: Tell your mate what you needed from your father that you didn’t get.

A: Repeat back what you heard and validate your mate’s feelings. (“That must have been so hard.” or “I’m so sorry that happened,” etc. If the sharing was positive, then, “I’m so glad that was your experience growing up,”, etc.)

B: My relationship with my father affects our relationship by…

B: Tell your mate what you needed from your mother that you didn’t get.

A: Repeat back what you heard and validate your mate’s feelings. (“What I heard you say… and “That must have been so hard.” or “I’m so sorry that happened,” etc. If the sharing was positive, then, “I’m so glad that was your experience growing up,”  etc.)

B: My relationship with my mother affects our relationship by…

End with a hug, a kiss and a prayer or wish for your mate!

Find out how Love Recon can help your marriage thrive!

• How can unresolved childhood issues affect my marriage?

  Unresolved childhood wounds, such as unmet emotional needs or past trauma, can influence your behavior in marriage. Open communication and validation from your spouse can help heal these emotional scars and strengthen your relationship.

• What is the role of emotional healing in a relationship?

  Emotional healing is vital for building trust and intimacy in a relationship. By sharing past experiences and validating each other’s feelings, couples can overcome childhood wounds and create a healthier, more connected marriage.

• How can I address unmet childhood needs with my spouse?

  Address unmet childhood needs by having open conversations with your spouse about past experiences. Sharing what was missing and validating each other’s feelings helps heal emotional wounds and strengthens the emotional intimacy in your relationship.