WOMEN: How To Be More Attractive To Your Mate

This is not going to be a Cosmopolitan magazine-type blog that encourages you to buy sexy underwear or try new positions in your lovemaking.  As important as physical attraction is to a man, there are many other types of attraction that you may not be aware of that are important to him as well.

1.Respect him. It is difficult to overemphasize the importance of respect to a man. Whether he verbalizes it or not, he needs respect from the most important woman in his life.  He needs to know that he is respected for who is as a man and what he does to make a better life for his mate and the family.  When he is respected, the bond between you and he grows stronger and more profound. 

2. Affirm him. Affirmation is validating who he is and what he does. It is expressing genuine compliments for his character and sincere thanks for what he does. He needs a “cheerleader” who will recognize his efforts and appreciate them, even if and especially if his job or the world doesn’t. 

3. Be careful about how you speak. How you talk to your man can draw him closer to you or push him away. Tone is everything. A harsh, critical tone will shut him down and cause him to distance from you. Commands or complaints are generally faster, so slow down your speech and speak in softer tones if you want him to be more receptive to you. Also, speak from your heart and not always from your head so that he will let down his defenses and be open to you. 

4. Be confident. Your insecurities about yourself and your body can decrease your attractiveness to him. Notice I said, “your insecurities…”  He is most likely not as critical as you think about your knobby knees or the size of your breasts or hips.  Embrace who you are in the body that you’re in, and he will want to embrace you! Nothing is more of a turn on to most men that a confident woman who fully engages with him and doesn’t hold back. 

5. Flirt. Flirting is fun and takes you out of the hum-drum and monotonous routines that your relationship can fall into. Flirt with texts, with your eyes, your speech, or other parts of your body. Double-entendres are fun as well. (a word or phrase open to two interpretations, one of which is usually risqué) An example would be the name of the Belamy Brother’s song “If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?” 

6. Dress for him. Your mother, sister, or girlfriend may think that a particular outfit is “adorable,” but what does your man think?  Whom are you dressing for?  Of course, there are times that you might dress for other women, but if you’re spending time with your mate, dress in a way that pleases him.  Ask him what he likes and do your best to give him some “eye candy.” 

7. Give him the best of you. Don’t give him the leftovers. Who gets the best of you on an average day? The kids? Your job?  Your church or volunteer involvements?  The primary relationship in your life and in your home is with your mate.  That is the person who will still be there when the kids have moved out and moved on with their lives.  Invest the best in your relationship with him now.  It makes him feel like he’s a priority and makes you even more attractive to him. 

8. Initiate what? A date night, a compliment, a kiss, lovemaking – anything that you can think of.  It is very gratifying to know that you are wanted and thought about.  He’s no different.  Surprise him and make him feel desired and considered. Initiate! 

9. Ten-second hugs. One of the things that you can initiate is the practice of a ten-second hug. Let him know that there is a new policy in your relationship.  Either one of you may initiate a ten-second hug, and the other will participate.  For ten seconds, just melt into each other and let the world stop.  Your blood pressure will drop, and you will relax. All the bonding hormones will kick in, and you will feel closer and more connected – more attractive- to each other. 

10. Do something he enjoys. Most men want a recreational companion, i.e., someone to have fun with and enjoy activities with.  Is he into golf, fishing, exercise, movies, concerts, or birdwatching? Whatever it is, try doing it with him, even if you don’t think you will like it.  You can enjoy watching him enjoy it at the very least.  Doing things together is more important to him than you realize, so try something new and have fun with your mate. 

11. Be spontaneous. Try saying “yes” to opportunities or suggestions of his, even if you haven’t planned it all out and considered all the variables!  Some of the best experiences are those that we didn’t plan for.  Is your default behavior to say, “no” to something that just comes up? You will create a whole catalog of memories and moments shared if you will be open to saying, “yes!” 

12. Stop controlling and directing. If you will speak from your feelings instead of making demands and giving instructions, you will provide him with the chance to take the initiative in situations.  Most men want the chance to be the champion but lack the opportunity. Allow him to champion you, your home, and your family.  Let go of control! 

13. Anchor him in the moment. In all of his daily pursuits and responsibilities, it is easy for a man to lose a sense of the moment. An invitation to the moment such as, “Taste this wine that I bought today… it’s delicious”, or “Come and look at the hummingbirds in the backyard.” These are invitations to the moment, to slow down and breathe and participate in life. 

14. Trust him. Trusting him is as important to him as loving him.  Trust his decisions and his perspective.  Trust his driving, even if you’re second-guessing him on the inside. On the outside, stay calm and don’t let him know that you’re doubting his ability to navigate and get you both safely to your destination.  Practice trusting him in situations and circumstances where decisions are being made. If you find that you cannot trust him, then that is the time to get marriage help.  Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and yours may need repair. 

So, be attractive to your mate, be sexy, use all of your feminine wiles to attract him, please him, and even seduce him.  However, know that lasting attraction and connection is built not just on physical appeal but also on emotional and spiritual connection as indicated in the points above.  If you really want to grow old together and keep him interested in you for the rest of your lives, implement these daily.  In addition, become a student of your mate and know what pleases and attracts him uniquely.  He is not exactly like any other man, and it is your job to learn all you can about him and become the best lover, companion, and friend that you can be to him.

Who wouldn’t be attracted to a woman like that?!

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• How can we improve communication in our relationship?

  Improving communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Avoid interrupting and show empathy towards their feelings. Regularly check in with each other about your needs and feelings, and set aside time for meaningful conversations without distractions.

• What should we do if we have different interests?

  It’s natural for couples to have different interests. Embrace your individuality while finding common activities you both enjoy. Respect and support each other’s hobbies and passions. You can also try introducing each other to your interests and see if there are new things you might both enjoy together.

• How can we keep the romance alive after many years together?

  Keeping the romance alive requires effort from both partners. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and maintain physical affection. Communication is key—express your love and appreciation for each other frequently. Also, make time for new experiences and adventures together to keep the relationship exciting.

• What is the best way to handle disagreements and conflicts?

  Handling disagreements requires calm and respectful communication. Focus on the issue at hand without resorting to personal attacks. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Find a compromise or solution that works for both of you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist if needed.

• How can we build trust in our relationship?

  Building trust takes time and consistency. Be honest and transparent with each other, and follow through on your commitments. Show reliability and dependability in both big and small matters. Address any breaches of trust openly and work together to rebuild it. Trust is reinforced through consistent actions and open communication.