Your Attitude and Your Relationship

Take a Look at Yourself Your Attitude and Your Relationship

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is more critical to your success

in life and relationships than your attitude.

Your life and your relationships are a reflection of your attitude. It is so easy to adopt a pessimistic and cynical attitude if we look around us and see the tragedy and injustice in the world as reported by the media. Unfortunately, each of us also experiences heartache and injustice in our own lives, making us turn sour on the planet and harm our relationships, especially with our spouses. This negative attitude prevents you from thoroughly enjoying your own life, and it also dampens the fun, romance, connection, joy, and creativity in your relationship.

One of the best things you can give yourself and your partner is a positive attitude. Not everyone sees the glass as “half-full,” but even if you are “an Eeyore” (as in Winnie the Pooh), you can train yourself to have a good and positive attitude. Yes, there are always things that could be better about your life or relationship, but don’t let that rob you of the good things that are there as well.

A positive change that leads to a better attitude is to say “get to” instead of “have to.” Think things like, “I get to do my job today. I get to be a spouse, a parent, a neighbor, etc. I get to be kind, even if I don’t feel like it. I get to work through this issue with a person I love and who loves me. I get the opportunity to grow through this disappointment.”  It’s about choosing your attitude. The choice is yours, and you get to make it!

Another idea is to develop a gratitude journal. Each day, write down what you are thankful for in your life. It can be anything that adds value to your life like, “I am grateful for a good night’s sleep because I feel refreshed and ready for the day,” or “I am thankful that Jim is my friend because I can always depend on him for honest feedback” or “I love that the flowers in the front beds are so beautiful this year because they make me feel happy.” Keep your journal by your bed and when you wake up, let the first thing you do be to record the three things you are grateful for in your journal. It will transform your morning and maybe even your whole day!

You can begin to cultivate your good attitude, right not by making two lists … a gratitude list and a “get to” list. Get some paper and a pen for this, or use your phone or other electronic device to make your lists. It will only take a few minutes, and you will begin to feel your thoughts and attitude shift into a more positive trajectory. 

My Gratitude List

List three things you are grateful for and write why you are thankful for them. It can be anything as long as you genuinely appreciate that this thing or person(s) is a part of your life. It’s all about attitude!

1. “I am grateful for ________________because …

2. “I am grateful for ________________because …

3. “I am grateful for ________________because …

My “Get To” List

Now think of some of the more challenging things that you are facing. These may be challenges that you have not had the best attitude about. For example, you may be a caregiver for a difficult person. Perhaps your job is not satisfying to you presently. You may be facing health issues or financial problems.

Apply “get to” to those more challenging things in your life. Here are some examples:

• Today I “get to” go to work when I didn’t have a job last year!
• Today I “get to” receive treatment from some of the best and most compassionate medical staff in the world!
• Today I “get to” downsize and start a new chapter in my life.

It’s not denial or merely thinking positively. It is acknowledging the reality of your situation(s) and choosing to have a good attitude despite the circumstances. Okay, it’s your turn. Finish the sentences below:

Today I get to …

Today I get to …

Today I get to … 

For additional consideration

• Share your gratitude and “get to” lists with your spouse and invite them to share theirs with you. Even if they don’t respond positively at first, don’t let this sabotage your efforts to maintain a good attitude. Give them enough time and space and see if they won’t come around!

• Think of people that you have observed to have a good attitude. These are the kind of people that you want to be around. If appropriate, cultivate friendships with them. What can you do today to begin or further those friendships?

• Be aware of opportunities in conversations to share some things from your gratitude list. It might just change the whole climate of your office or home!

• Be mindful of your emotional state and how your attitude affects it. This would be something to include in your journal.

• Record in your journal the positive changes that you observe in your life and all your relationships because of your improved attitude.

If you struggle to find good or positive things in your life or your relationship, Love Recon marriage seminars and Recon Coaching can help!

• How can we improve communication in our relationship?

  Improving communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Avoid interrupting and show empathy towards their feelings. Regularly check in with each other about your needs and feelings, and set aside time for meaningful conversations without distractions.

• What should we do if we have different interests?

  It’s natural for couples to have different interests. Embrace your individuality while finding common activities you both enjoy. Respect and support each other’s hobbies and passions. You can also try introducing each other to your interests and see if there are new things you might both enjoy together.

• How can we keep the romance alive after many years together?

  Keeping the romance alive requires effort from both partners. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and maintain physical affection. Communication is key—express your love and appreciation for each other frequently. Also, make time for new experiences and adventures together to keep the relationship exciting.

• What is the best way to handle disagreements and conflicts?

  Handling disagreements requires calm and respectful communication. Focus on the issue at hand without resorting to personal attacks. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Find a compromise or solution that works for both of you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist if needed.

• How can we build trust in our relationship?

  Building trust takes time and consistency. Be honest and transparent with each other, and follow through on your commitments. Show reliability and dependability in both big and small matters. Address any breaches of trust openly and work together to rebuild it. Trust is reinforced through consistent actions and open communication.