Boundries In Your Relationship
Part 2- Seven Boundaries Never to Set in Your Relationship
Setting and maintaining boundaries in a relationship can be incredibly beneficial, as discussed in the first blog in this two-part series on Boundaries in Your Relationship entitled, “Part 1- Boundaries Your Relationship Needs.” And while that is true, not all boundaries are healthy. Some boundaries can be detrimental, even harmful, to your relationship. Below you will find seven of these boundaries to never set in your relationship.
1. Ignoring your spouse
This seems like a no-brainer to most of us, but tragically, this happens all too often in marriage. Some spouses do this to punish their spouse when they don’t get their way. Others ignore their spouse simply as a means to avoid talking about difficult issues. Whatever the motivation, we should never avoid our spouse and emotionally shut them out. To do so will break down our intimacy. This will leave our spouse and us vulnerable to unhealthy habits and the temptation to seek physical connection outside the marriage. We must always be willing to talk with our spouse, even when it is uncomfortable.
2. Withholding sex from your spouse
Sex is an integral part of marriage and a fantastic way to connect to our spouse. Unfortunately, some partners will use sex as a bargaining tool or punishment in their marriage, which is extremely detrimental to the relationship. We should strive to prioritize our sexual intimacy and engage in it frequently to stay connected to our spouse and meet one another’s sexual needs. Illness or other extenuating circumstances may interrupt sexual intimacy for a time. In such cases, couples should stay connected in other ways and resume their sex life as soon as possible.
3. Physically hurting one another
This may seem obvious, but it is alarming how often this line is crossed in some relationships. Slapping, hitting, grabbing, pushing, or pulling each other forcefully and aggressively is NEVER okay. Physically abusive behavior is NEVER warranted. A couple should exchange only loving physical touch. Forceful touch is not loving!
4. Speaking negatively about your partner to other people, including family.
If we have a problem with one another, we need to address the issue directly. Nothing good will come from us going to our friends and family about a problem we should discuss with our spouse. We can still have trusted people to talk with about our marriage. However, we need to be careful with HOW we talk about our spouse and WHAT we say about them to other people…especially family members. Marriage is hard enough without extended family drama, so we certainly don’t need to add to the problem.
5. Allowing other people to speak negatively about your spouse
As husband and wife, we should be the first to protect each other’s reputations. Yet, many times, we are the problem instead of the solution. We should never allow our family, friends, or anyone to speak negatively about our spouse. If we witness this, we can stop it by kindly stating, “Please don’t talk about my husband/wife that way.”. If the person we are talking to won’t oblige, we can walk away. We will set a precedent with our words and actions, and our spouse will appreciate knowing that we have their back.
6. Keeping secrets from one another
Keeping secrets from one another limits the depth of intimacy we can enjoy. So, unless we plan a surprise party or buy them a gift, we should never keep secrets from them.
“Consider each secret to be a brick that we are adding to a wall of secrets between us and our spouse. Some bricks might be bigger than others, but all secrets are the building blocks of the wall.”- Ashely Willis.
There should be no SECRET money, friends, texts, emails, letters, jobs, purchases, phone calls, social media exchanges, social media accounts, health issues, trips, outings, lunches, dinners, etc. As husband and wife, we long to fully KNOW and BE KNOWN by one another. This longing will not be fulfilled if we keep secrets.
7. Speaking unkindly to or shouting at one another.
Every married couple will disagree at some point, and we might sometimes argue. However, talking through a disagreement is wiser than stuffing it down inside and letting it rot.
However, it is NEVER okay to speak in a nasty tone, use harsh language, or scream and shout at each other. This is being verbally abusive, and contrary to the age-old saying, words CAN hurt us. It’s hard to forget hateful things that are said to us. We don’t have a license to give our spouse a tongue-lashing. We promised to love our spouse through the good and the bad. Lashing out at each other is certainly not loving one another. We must always do our best to approach a disagreement with our spouse as calmly and lovingly as possible.
By establishing healthy boundaries in your relationship and by avoid the harmful ones, you can build a better, stronger, and more loving connection with your partner.
If you would like to discuss how we can help you and your relationship, don’t hesitate to contact me at Cliff@LoveRecon.org or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information.