How Can a “Hike” Help Me With My Relationship? pt. 4 of 4 (guilt & shame)

couple in argument on sofa

Written by LoveRecon

The LoveRecon Team

How Can a “Hike” Help Me With My Relationship? pt. 4 of 4 (guilt & shame)

November 30, 2020

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Rock 4- Unhealthy Guilt & Shame

Shame is like an anchor, if you allow it, it will drag you much deeper than necessary.
~David Bishop, LoveRecon

It is important that you differentiate between healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt. Guilt is about what we do or don’t do. Healthy guilt lets us know when we have been wrong so that we can make corrections, make amends and grow.

Unhealthy guilt condemns us and tells us that we ought to be a better person, that we should be something that we’re not or shouldn’t be something that man arguing with wife behind himwe are. It is that nagging voice that always makes us feel inadequate or not good enough no matter how hard we try. It is often used by others to manipulate us into doing what they want us to do.

Shame is about who we are. It is closely related to unhealthy guilt. It’s about our identity and how we view ourselves. “I’m no good,” “I’m defective.” Shame makes us want to withdraw from others. It makes us feel hollow, powerless and worthless.

You can feel shameful for many reasons. Growing up in poverty, experiencing a family scandal, being overweight, having suffered abuse in any form – are just a few of the sources of toxic shame.

Shame-prone individuals are vulnerable to problems associated with alcohol and drugs. Frequently, substance abuse serves to mask or numb painful feelings of shame and despair. This can lead to addiction which tends to only compound the shame.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Pack a lunch for your sweetheart to take to work. Make sure it includes some of their favorites… and maybe a couple of surprises, too!


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