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November 30, 2022

The Best Tool for Communication

How to Deal with a Breakup in the Holidays

After a breakup, the holidays may bring even more pain as you enter them without your former partner. In addition, the romantic nature of the season can cause you to feel alone and even depressed. You can take some steps, however, to survive the holidays and find hope and joy.

  1. Steer clear of things that trigger memories of your ex.

Usually, avoidance isn’t a good idea, but this is an exception. There will be plenty of time to deal with any leftover issues from the formerLove Recon How to avoid an affair body relationship. For now, focus on the present and what you can do to enjoy the holiday season. Take down photos, put away gifts that your ex gave you, and avoid places that you went together on dates or special occasions. You will want to avoid following them on social media as well. Instead, do what feels right to give you the time and space you need. 

  1. Stay meaningfully busy.

Engage in activities you can enjoy or even be excited about – productive activities with a purpose. Donate your time to a cause that you believe in. For yourself, take a cooking class, attend a fitness class, learn to play an instrument, get an online app to help you learn a language, etc. It would help if you got your dopamine surging again, so do something positive that helps your self-esteem and increases your sense of worth. 

  1. Alter your routine. 

Change up your routine and adjust your schedule to do things at a different time than you did them in your relationship. You want to find a different time for things you and your ex would do together. For example, if you went to the gym early in the morning, try finding a different time to work out. Changing your gym membership or exercising at home are also alternatives that you could consider. 

  1. Engage your senses in mindfulness. 

 Mindfulness is being fully present in this moment – not thinking about things from the past. Instead, focus on the sights, sounds, and smells in this present moment. Don’t think about other things, like your breakup. Rather, be aware of the temperature in the room, the sensations you feel as the warm water hits you in the shower, or the bubbles in the tub. If you are cooking, focus on the color and texture of the ingredients. Listen to the knife’s sound on the cutting board when you chop the vegetables. Pay attention to how the wine tastes on the front and back of your tongue and if there is a difference. Grounding yourself in the present can provide much-needed mental and emotional relief. 

  1. Don’t judge yourself.

Have compassion for yourself. You are human and are going through a very human experience. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, and don’t deny them. Give yourself permission to take a break during an event, leave early, or skip it altogether. 

  1. Take control of the narrative. 

What will you say when family and friends ask about the breakup? If your ex is a narcissist since they now cannot control you, they will try to control the story and what others think of you. For this reason, you must have a simple, direct, and diplomatic response. It is best not to denigrate your former partner, even if you need or deserve vindication. Truth has a way of coming out, and honestly, people who know you and your ex probably have a pretty clear picture of your former relationship. Take the high road!

  1. Don’t isolate.

Withdrawing too much can isolate you, which isn’t healthy or helpful. You don’t necessarily need to go to a big holiday bash, but there are other ways to connect. Spend some time with your family. Meet a friend for a cup of coffee. Put some simple events on your calendar. It will help you have a sense of normalcy and the understanding that life can continue. 

  1. Don’t hesitate to get help. 

Reach out to a trusted friend or family member. Make an appointment with a counselor or Recon Coach. Attend a Life Recon intensive experience to find help, hope, and healing for yourself.

Breakups before the holidays are painful and heartbreaking, but surviving a breakup during the holidays isn’t impossible. You can begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and even develop hope for a new chapter in your life, one filled with endless possibilities.

If you would like to discuss how we can help you, no matter your relationship status, don’t hesitate to contact me at Cliff@LoveRecon.org or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information.

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.

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