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August 21, 2023


How to Disagree With Your Spouse

Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, including marriage. When it comes to disagreeing with your spouse, it’s important to approach the situation with respect, open communication, and a willingness to find a resolution. Here are some tips on how to disagree with your spouse in a healthy and constructive way:12 Relationship Mistakes Couples Make body love recon


  1. Choose the right time and place: Find a moment when both of you are calm and able to have a focused conversation. Avoid bringing up disagreements during heated or stressful situations.


  1. Use “I” statements: Express your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements instead of blaming or accusing your spouse. For example, say “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always do this…”


  1. Active listening: Listen attentively to your spouse’s perspective without interrupting. Show understanding and empathy to their point of view, even if you disagree. This will encourage them to do the same for you.


  1. Stay calm and control your emotions: It’s crucial to remain calm and composed during a disagreement. Avoid shouting, name-calling, or becoming defensive. Take deep breaths and focus on finding a solution rather than escalating the situation.


  1. Find common ground: Look for areas of agreement and shared goals. Emphasize the importance of working together as a team to find a resolution that benefits both of you.


  1. Be specific and objective: Clearly state your reasons for disagreeing, providing specific examples or evidence to support your viewpoint. Focus on the issue at hand rather than bringing up past arguments or unrelated matters.


  1. Seek compromise: Instead of trying to “win” the argument, aim for a compromise that satisfies both of you. Be open to finding middle ground or alternate solutions that can address both of your concerns. Negotiate and be willing to compromise. You both probably need to give in on something so that you can reach a fair agreement. And remember, nobody “wins” an argument in a relationship unless you both win.


  1. Take breaks if needed: If the discussion becomes heated or unproductive, it’s okay to take a break and revisit the conversation later when both of you are in a better frame of mind. This can prevent further escalation and allow time for reflection. Request and take a “time out” for at least 30 minutes. Do something that calms you such as listening to music, exercising, playing with the dog, etc. Don’t think about the conflict at all. Avoid alcohol or drugs so that you can remain clear- minded.


  1. Practice forgiveness and let go: Once the disagreement is resolved, let go of any lingering resentment or grudges. Forgive your spouse and move forward together, focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship. Even if your spouse doesn’t ask for your forgiveness, forgive them anyway to keep yourself from becoming bitter and resentful. You do not have to trust them or excuse their behavior to forgive them.


Remember, disagreements are opportunities for growth and understanding within your marriage. By approaching them with respect, empathy, and a willingness to find common ground, you can strengthen your bond with your spouse and foster a healthier relationship.

Love Recon can help.  It’s what we do!


If you want to know more about how we can help you build a strong marriage, please get in touch with me at Cliff@LoveRecon.org or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information.

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.

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