Make Your Spouse Your Best Friend – YOU NEED A FRIEND
Everyone needs a friend that we can trust and with whom we can share our deepest thoughts and feelings. This person won’t judge or sabotage us but will be thrilled for us when we succeed and make us feel more significant, not smaller. A friend like this is the person that you turn to when things are challenging, exciting, or when you need an objective perspective on something vital to you. There’s a reason that a television show about friends resonated with a whole generation.
Is it possible to have such a person in your life? Could your spouse be that person, that special friend that you desire to have in your life?
Imagine that your spouse is a friend that you can trust completely. It is possible. Satisfyingly good marriages are built on such friendships. If you and your spouse don’t enjoy such a friendship, don’t be disheartened. You can. Invest in the relationship and be willing to make the necessary changes. You can build a friendship with your mate to withstand the storms that come and stand the test of time.
- INVEST TIME IN THE RELATIONSHIP
There is no such thing as quality time without a quantity of time. Yes, ten or fifteen minutes of focused time here and there can help you stay connected, but to become “soulmates” takes time. It is essential to “hang out” together doing ordinary things, talking, and finding humor in situations. Taking the time to get out of town so that you can be in a carefree environment, away from your stressors, will strengthen your bond. New adventures, concerts, events all can be experiences that add to your intimacy because you share them together and with no one else. When you re-engage with the world – kids, jobs, etc.- you will have a stronger bond that outside pressures can’t weaken.
- FIND COMMON INTERESTS TO SHARE
Most men desire more recreational activities with their spouses than they are experiencing. It’s not only girls that “just wanna have fun!” Finding interests and activities that you both can participate in and enjoy is a key to building a friendship. Pay attention to what your spouse likes to do and do your best to learn about it. If they are sports fans, learn about their favorite team and players and watch games/matches with them periodically. Gardening, birdwatching, hiking, history, movies, travel, health and fitness, and the list goes on. Whatever it is, do it together. Bonding happens when you do things together, even if you talk very little during the activity.
- EXPRESS GENUINE INTEREST
If you want connection and friendship with your spouse, express genuine interest in them and what they have to say. No doubt, when your relationship was new, you hung on every word they spoke and noticed every gesture or body movement they made. With the familiarity that comes with the mundane and ordinary, you may be expressing little interest in your spouse. Instead, listen attentively and empathetically to what they have to say. Don’t miss the opportunity to give them a quick hug or pat when you pass by them. Let them know that you see them, hear them, and value them.
- SHOW KINDNESS
Kindness has been defined as “love in action.” We can proclaim our love and commitment to our spouses, but unless we are kind to them, they will not feel loved. Find out their love language. Ask what they want or need. Being kind is first being aware of your spouse, and what they need or are going through. Be sensitive. Be supportive. Be kind.
- MAXIMIZE THE “SMALL MOMENTS”
It’s not the occasional “big” moments that build your marriage. It’s the hundreds of small moments that you share. It’s folding laundry together or offering to help with the grocery shopping or house cleaning and talking while you do. It’s not being glued to your phone and missing the moment to interact. Every day there are opportunities to show love in the seemingly small moments.
- DEVELOP DAILY LOVE HABITS
One thing that friends often do is develop habits and rituals. For instance, they meet up weekly for “Taco Tuesday” at a local restaurant or a favorite watering hole after work on Fridays. You and your spouse can develop rituals or habits that will help maintain and increase your closeness as well. For instance, you could:
- Text each other at least once daily
- Kiss each other good morning, good night, and/or goodbye
- Pray together
- Share a meal or a drink together
- Have a daily dyad- a fully engaged, eye to eye, sit-down conversation for 5-15 minutes as taught in Love Recon and Recon Coaching.
As these rituals become part of your life and your relationship, no day seems complete without them.
- ENGAGE IN OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION
The best friends are those with whom you can have forthright conversations. They will speak the truth in love to you when no one else can or will. You can receive it and consider it because you know that they have your back and are in your corner. If you and your spouse are honest with one another, you will build a foundation of trust for your relationship. You will want to share everything with your best friend, your spouse.
- EXPRESS YOUR GRATITUDE
Recognize what your spouse does and how they contribute to your life, and thank them. Notice the small things, not just the large ones. Let them know that you “get to” do life with them, and you are thankful for their partnership. Express how they contribute to helping you live out your life’s purpose.
Good friends are hard to find, and so is a life partner. However, you can have both in your spouse if you are willing to invest in your relationship. Your spouse can be your best friend.
