June 14, 2021

Our Relationship Readiness Assessment For Singles will help you know if you are ready for a relationship

You are single.  Maybe you are single and have never been in a serious relationship and want to avoid making the mistakes you have seen others make.  Perhaps you are “single again” and want to be sure that you are ready for a new relationship.   How do you know if you are ready for a relationship?

DEAL WITH YOUR PAST

First, you will want to be sure that you are free from the baggage and damage of your past.  All of us carry some, and some of us carry a lot!Love Recon Take-a-Look-at-Yourself-and-Your-Attitude-Image-1 Attending a program like the Life Recon will help you to dump 80-90% of your past baggage and damage and start with a clean slate to build a new future for yourself. This could include a new relationship if that is what you want. Counseling and therapy may be a good alternative for you as well, depending upon your situation and issues.  The important thing is that you heal and prepare your mind and heart for a bright future before entering into a relationship. 

EVALUATE YOUR PRESENT

Once you have dealt with your past, you are free to look to the future and move forward with clarity and focus.  The rest of this blog is about rating yourself in crucial areas. Think about the questions in the areas below and determine which ones are true of you. Be as honest and objective as you can be.  If possible, ask close friends and family members for their opinions as well.

  • My Vision, Values, and Life Purpose

Do you have a clear picture of what you want for your life and relationship?  If you don’t, you may become connected to a person who will tell you what you want!  That rarely works out well.  It is vital that you know who you are and what you want by having a clear vision for your life and defining your values, and living by them.  You will also want to spend time defining your life purpose and living it out daily. If you do, you will attract others in the same “purpose stream” and are compatible with your hopes and dreams.

As part of your vision, consider where you want to live and the lifestyle that you envision.  It also helps to have written goals and action plans to help accomplish your vision and purpose.  Be a person of integrity; in other words, live in complete alignment with your vision, values, and life purpose. It is incredibly stress-producing to have values, vision, and purpose that you don’t live by!

So, how would you rate yourself in this area on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the best?

Rate yourself on a score from 1-10.

  • My Non-Negotiables

 Are you very clear about what is unacceptable to you in a relationship?  Do you know what you can’t live without, and do you refuse to settle for less?  Are you clear on what values you must share with a partner, like spiritual beliefs or morals? Have you considered what personality traits or qualities you value in a partner? Are there specific interests, beliefs, or activities that are a “must” in a partner? Have you written a list of requirements, every one of which must be met, before you will enter a relationship?

Rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10.

  • My Needs

No one can read your mind!  So, are you clear about what you need daily for your relationship to work? Do you know what makes you feel loved so that you can articulate that to your partner? Do you have clearly stated boundaries that you enforce? Do you take responsibility and ask for what your need and want?  Do you have a support system that helps to meet your social and emotional needs? Are you proactive and self-reliant concerning your needs?

How would you rate yourself in the area of understanding your own needs and having them met in healthy ways?

  • My Past Relationship History and Patterns

Do you understand what did and did not work in your previous (if any) relationships?  Are you aware of the impact that the traits of your parents have on your selection of a partner?  Do you see those traits of your parents in yourself? Do you see and understand your past patterns of choosing partners? Are you aware of your attitudes, actions, and behaviors and how they have affected your relationships?

Rate yourself on a scale from 1-10. Be honest!

  • My Emotional Issues

How are you doing in the area of emotional issues?  Have you been able to forgive your parents for any unmet needs – both past and present? Are you healed from past relationship experiences? Have you truly let go of damaging relationships and forgive all those who have hurt you? Have you asked for forgiveness from people that you have hurt? What about yourself? Have you forgiven yourself? Do you believe the best of people first? Are you aware of your own emotional baggage and damage when they come up in a relationship?

Rate yourself on a scale from 1-10.

  • My Communication Style

Are you an active listener?  Do you give validation and express appreciation frequently? Do you speak positively about others and refuse to gossip? Are you careful not to promise what you can’t deliver, and do you keep your word?  Do others have to guess what you want and need?  When conflict or disagreement occurs, do you escalate the issues or work for resolution? Do others have the freedom to disagree with you without fear of retaliation or repercussion? Do you take things personally and get defensive in communication? Do you complain, or do you make requests to someone who has the power to meet your requests?

Rate yourself from 1-10. 

  • My Social Interaction

Do you spend your time with productive, healthy, and able people? Are the people that surround you caring and compassionate?  Do you frequently get together with a close group of friends? Are you a supportive and available friend to the people that you love? Do you see how you come across to others and what effect you have on them? Do you add value to all those in your community? Are you a member of more than one community (hobby, spiritual, professional, etc.)? Do you have positive relationships with your parents, siblings, children, and ex (if applicable)?

Rate yourself from 1-10.

  • My Life in General

Are you fulfilled by your work/career? Do you live within your means while preparing for your future security? Are you free of financial and legal problems? Do you feel content and complete as a single person? Are you open to commitment if the right person is available to you? Are you healthy in your body, mind, and spirit?

Rate yourself from 1-10.

  • My Dating Practices

Do you choose who you want in your life, or do you wait to be chosen? Are your boundaries for sexual involvement clearly defined, and do you adhere to them? Are you authentic, or are you guilty of being inauthentic to attract a partner? Are you driven by either your head or your heart, or are you balanced in making relationship decisions? Do you know the difference between infatuation, attachment, good sex, and love? Are you expecting your next relationship to rescue you from problems?  Are you able to communicate what you want and need in a partner and a relationship?

Rate yourself from 1-10.

  • My Relationship Strategy

Are you good at identifying and evaluating potential partners? Do you use your support system to help “scout” potential life partners for you? Are you a member of groups or aligned with activities that involve people who meet your criteria? Are you clear on whether you are looking for a casual relationship or a long-term committed relationship? When a prospective partner is not suitable for you, can you disengage from them? Are you able to search for a partner while, at the same time, investing in yourself and living out your purpose and vision?

Rage yourself from 1-10.

INTERPRET AND APPLY YOUR SCORES 

As you look at your self-ratings and think about the feedback that you may have received from close friends and family members, think about these questions: 

  • What are your strongest areas? Feel good about them!
  • What areas need improvement?  Think about who or what could help you to improve.
  • What do you need to learn more about? Do internet research, read books or blogs, listen to podcasts, and/or attend seminars that will help you grow in this area.
  • What are the top five issues that could sabotage your future and relationship? What can you do to neutralize them?
  • Given your results, what are your top five current goals for being successful as a single?

You attract what you are, not what you want to be.  Therefore, it is essential to be the kind of partner that you are looking for.  It’s work, but it is so worthwhile!  Life Recon, Love Recon, and Recon Coaching can help.

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.


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