December 4, 2020

Love Recon Help-My-Mate-is-Emotionally-Unavailable-pt.1-featured

How I Sabotage Me

We play self-destructive games and then complain about or blame others for our circumstances. Self-sabotage always works.    ~ Jeani Poe, Love Recon

Any behavior that you engage in that sabotages you and prevents you from experiencing your best life and/or best marriage is a self-defeating behavior. LoveRecon Destroy Your Relationship Over Money Inner pt2Self-defeating behaviors are obstacles and barriers to reaching your goals. They  can be distractions that get you off track. Often, they drain your energy and creativity and exhaust you so that you don’t have the energy to create the life and relationships that you want. Until you admit them and have the courage to overcome them, you will live in a cycle of making attempts and being defeated.

Some common self-defeating behavior patterns are:

  • Procrastination
  • Stubborn pride – always have to be “right”
  • Unwillingness to ask for help
  • Being a “people pleaser”
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Feeling undeserving of good things
  • Perfectionism
  • Fear of taking a risk
  • Negative self-talk (echoes in your mind)
  • Negative Guilt and Shame
  • Being easily distracted (phone calls, social media, “squirrel!”)
  • Focusing on the past

Dyad

Identify your self-defeating behaviors. They don’t have to be on the list above.

A: Work through the following bullet points:

  • I think that my self-defeating behaviors are…
  • I believe they have affected my life (and our relationship) by…
  • Have you observed any others in me?

B: “No. I think you nailed it” or “One self-defeating behavior that I have also observed is…”

A: I give you my permission to lovingly point out to me when I am engaging in any self-defeating behaviors!

Now it is B’s turn to work through the bullet points

B: Work through the following bullet points:

  • I think that my self-defeating behaviors are…
  • I believe they have affected my life (and our relationship) by…
  • Have you observed any others in me?

A: “No. I think you nailed it” or “One self-defeating behavior that I have also observed is…”

B: I give you my permission to lovingly point out to me when I am engaging in any self-defeating behavior!

End with a hug, a kiss and a prayer or wish for your mate!

TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Share a tradition or value that you would like to include in your relationship/family.

Suggested Scripture: Proverbs 27:17

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