PERSONAL BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you don’t have boundaries, you don’t have a life!
To have a good relationship, boundaries must be in place, even within the relationship. Also, if you don’t have appropriate boundaries with other people, you will not be fair to your primary relationship. If you want to have a healthy life in any area of your life, it is necessary to establish and enforce boundaries in that area. It is up to you! No one else can appropriately set your boundaries for you, not even your spouse. On the other hand, if you don’t set your boundaries and communicate them to others, then you can’t expect others to honor them. Healthy, appropriate boundaries will:
- Improve your emotional health.
- Decrease your stress.
- Provide clear limits and rules for others.
- Help you become your “own person.”
- Increase your ability to do self-care.
- Improve your relationships.
- Prevent burn-out.
- Cause others to respect you.
- Promote self- respect!
Take a few moments and look at the benefits of boundaries. Are there any of these that you are currently not enjoying? Any that you are
struggling with? It could very well be the case that you have not established and enforced healthy boundaries in your life and relationships.
Below are seven areas of your life to consider setting boundaries for. Setting clear rules and limits for each of these areas and insisting that all respect and abide by them will give you your life back!
- Physical Boundaries. These are rules and limits about physical closeness, touching, eye contact, privacy, doors, nudity, private spaces, electronic devices including cell phones, mail, etc. What is acceptable and what is not? What is acceptable only under certain circumstances?
- Material Boundaries. These boundaries pertain to money and possessions. Property, food, clothing, credit cards, pets, and anything that you own are included.
- Time Boundaries. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time! How you spend or invest your time should be your decision.
- Intellectual Boundaries. Your thoughts and ideas belong to you and should be respected and protected.
- Emotional Boundaries. Others should value your feelings, decisions and choices, but more importantly, you should!
- Sexual Boundaries. All aspects of sexuality should be considered in setting boundaries – emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual.
- Spiritual Boundaries. Your spirituality and your spiritual path are sacred to you and should be respected. Personal experiences, spiritual preferences, and spiritual practices require boundaries to maintain. Your relationship to God is personal to you and should be honored by others, even if they believe differently.
LIFE APPLICATION
Get a sheet of paper, your journal or a notebook and answer these questions:
- Can you recall a time when your boundaries were invaded or disrespected? Briefly describe.
- As you look at these types of boundaries, are any of these areas that are being invaded or disrespected now? If so, which ones?
- What is the boundary that you will set and communicate to others to correct each area of boundary violation?
- What will be your response if these boundaries are not respected?
Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially if you are attempting to establish them within an already existing relationship. It could require redefining of how you will interact with your partner. It may even be difficult for you to recognize where and how to set boundaries to achieve a healthy life and relationship. Recon Coaching can help!
