Ups and Downs: Sharing Highs and Lows
If there are no highs and lows in your life, it means that you are flatlining! ~ Jeani Poe, LoveRecon
While not every day has dramatic highs and lows, there are best moments and worst moments in each day of life that we live or, as the quote above implies, we are just flatlining our way through life. To grow deeper in emotional intimacy with our spouse, it is important that we share with them about each day, even if we spent that day together. Hearing your experiences will help your spouse to really know you and appreciate you and your perspective, thoughts and feelings. Each day in your dyad, share the high point and the low point of your day with your mate. (If you are doing your dyad in the morning, then share about the previous day.) A high point might be as simple as getting a covered parking space in the rain or as monumental as receiving a long-awaited promotion. A low point could be as mundane as becoming irritated because of constant interruptions from co-workers or as life-shattering as receiving a bad medical report. Most experiences of life fall in between the two extremes, yet it is important to include our spouse in all of them. Be sure to include how the high or low experience made you feel! Feeling words are vastly important when we are communicating with our spouse and seeking to be strongly connected at a heart level. For instance, you might say, “My high today was when my friend bought me lunch. It was a big encouragement,” or “My low today was when I lost my phone. I felt out of touch and disconnected from the world.” When your spouse shares their feelings, that is your opportunity to empathize with them. “Oh, that must have been tough” or “I wish I could have seen your face when you got the good news!”. It is important that you don’t try to “fix” their feelings or remedy their situation. The point of this exercise is to communicate the happenings and the associated feelings of that day. As you share in your dyad today, first do the Nurturing Talk exercise from yesterday and then share your Highs and Lows. Remember to put a feeling with each statement!
You will begin today’s dyad dialogue with Nurturing Talk, the tool that you learned from yesterday.
A: One of the things I admire about you is… (a character trait) and it makes me feel… OR A: I want to thank you for… (something they do/did for you) because it makes me feel… B: “Thank you” (if they admired you) OR “You’re welcome!” (If they thanked you.) B: One of the things I admire about you is… (a character trait) and it makes me feel… OR B: I want to thank you for… (something they do/did for you) because it makes me feel… A: “Thank you” (if they admired you) OR “You’re welcome!” (If they thanked you.)
In sharing highs and lows, remember to empathize with your spouse, but do not try to “fix” anything!
Highs and Lows: A: “The high point of my day was… and It made me feel…” B: Validate your mate by saying something empathetic. End with a hug, a kiss and a wish or prayer for your mate! Learn about our marriage help programs.