September 14, 2022

The Importance of Humor in Marriage hero

The Importance of Humor in Marriage

When people describe what they want in a spouse, a good sense of humor is one of the most-often listed qualities. When dating, the other person’s sense of humor is attractive and helps you feel more at ease. You may even feel closer because of the connection that humor creates when you giggle or laugh together.

Indeed, humor has many proven benefits – benefits that can strengthen and increase your satisfaction in marriage and relationships. Here’s just a sampling of what a good sense of humor has to offer you:

Humor and Personal DevelopmentThe Importance of Humor in Marriage body

  • Boosts your immune system.

  • Relieves tension in muscles.

  • Diminishes the risk of heart disease.

  • Decreases the level of stress hormones.

  • Eases anxious thoughts.

  • Lifts your mood.

  • Increases your resilience.

  • Brightens your outlook.

Humor and Marriage Help

We would all like those individual benefits and perks of a good sense of humor. Once you’re in a committed relationship with someone, however, the value of humor goes beyond the personal and individual benefits listed above. You’re no longer trying to get the other person to like or go out with you. Instead, you are now “in it to win it,” and humor is essential in making your relationship satisfying and enjoyable.  Wondering about the benefits of humor for your relationship.  Consider these:


  1. Humor helps to defuse conflict.

When you can find humor in a problem or issue, it makes it less scary and more manageable. It also will focus your attention on fixing the problem and not fixing the blame or finger-pointing. It reminds you that you are teammates and not opponents. The issue is the opponent. Also, if you can find humor in your spouse’s habits or “quirks” instead of trying to “fix” them, it will go a long way in creating harmony and peace in your home.


  1. Humor promotes fun and friendship with your spouse.

The best relationships are those in which the couple considers themselves best friends. Friendship is one of the main factors in the longevity of a relationship. The couple that “plays together stays together .”Just as you most likely laugh in the course of a conversation with a friend, you don’t have to plan to be funny or playful with your spouse. Instead, be alert to those inherently funny moments and enjoy them. Fun and playful moments can happen anytime, like making the bed together or sending funny memes to brighten the day.


  1. Humor helps you weather the storms of life.

You can’t always control what life throws at you, and there are times when crying is appropriate and healthy. However, you don’t want to get bogged down in negativity or, even worse, despair. Hold each other, cry together, and, when you are ready, move forward with your life. One of the most powerful tools in healing and living your life to the fullest is humor. You will find more positive, emotional energy when you can laugh together about your predicament. You and your spouse will become more resilient as a couple if you keep your sense of humor.


  1. Humor strengthens your connection.

  • Draws your spouse to you and not away from you. Those inside jokes make you feel close and connected. Your inside humor is unique to you and can’t be replicated by anyone else. It helps you to really “get” each other when you know what will make each other laugh and promotes a sense of closeness.
  • Enhances teamwork. Laughing at circumstances or situations builds team spirit and a desire to handle life and challenges together rather than alone. Life is more manageable if we have a positive and fun teammate. Conversely, sometimes it is easier to go it alone than to have to drag along a negative and draining teammate.
  • Promotes bonding. Laughing, playing, attacking problems with humor, sharing inside jokes – these “tether” your hearts together and strengthen your bond as a couple.

Increasing the Humor

Here are just a few of the ways that you can begin to develop more humor in your life and marriage.

  • Smile often. Body language speaks volumes to your spouse. Be mindful of your facial expression and what you are conveying. A scowl or a frown could shut down any chance of humor and fun.


  • Move toward laughter. Any time you hear laughter, seek to participate in what is happening. When appropriate, enter the conversation and merriment.


  • Spend time with playful people. It has been said that we become like our top three friends. So, individually and as a couple, spend time with fun folks, and it will rub off on you.
  • Use your own humor in conversations. A sense of humor is not just about telling jokes. You may have a quick or dry wit or an ability to see the humor in situations. Whatever your type of humor, develop it by using it. You do have a sense of humor. It may just be underdeveloped. If you don’t know what it is, ask your spouse or those who know you best what they think that it might be. 
  • Create opportunities to laugh. One of the best ways to do this is to watch funny movies, television shows, or online videos. Comedians skilled in situational humor can be a source of laughter as well. Be careful, however. Dark or profane humor or humor that degrades others can harm your psyche and your relationship.


There are a lot of relationship tools that can help you to build a solid and satisfying marriage. You may not have considered laughing together as one of them. If, however, you and your spouse develop a great sense of humor, you will create a bond of friendship and connection that will bring you much marital joy and satisfaction.

If emotional baggage and damage prevent you from finding humor in life and situations, a marriage help seminar or marriage retreat could greatly help you. Contact Love Recon today to find out how. It’s what we do!

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.

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