December 3, 2021

Are You Too Busy For Life And Love? Here’s Some Advice.

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

 

How do you feel about your level of busyness at the moment? Is your relationship suffering because of the excessive level of activity that marks both of your lives? Be honest and choose the statement that best describes you and your busyness.

 

  • It’s manageable
  • I’m doing as much as I’m able to do
  • I’m feeling overwhelmed and exhausted
  • I’m drowning. If something doesn’t change soon, I’m sunk.

 

Now, do some more soul searching and ask yourself why you are too busy to make room for life and love (if you are.)

 

WHY AM I SO BUSY?

  • I like the activity and enjoy being with people
  • I enjoy serving others
  • I want to make the most of my time and abilities.
  • I don’t like to spend a lot of time alone
  • I say yes to the things that I think would be fun and would break the monotony.
  • It seems that I’m the only one who can do the job right
  • I want the affirmation and acceptance of others
  • I don’t like disappointing people by saying “no.”
  • I feel important when someone needs me to do something.

 

 

TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!

Life is busy and the to-do list is long.  How will we ever get it all done?  The answer is, we won’t! We don’t have time to finish it all.  Sometimes it feels as if life is a “Minute to Win It” game and the clock is ticking.  Why does it feel that way?  That’s the tension of mortal person facing the ticking clock of a finite life! In this life, we only have a limited number of years.  Ancient scripture describes it this way: “Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.”  So busyness and the brevity of life are not new topics for people!

 

MAKING THE MOST OF THE TIME

You can make more money, but you can’t make more time!  How will you and your partner make the most of the time that you have? Every moment has the potential to impact they legacy that you will leave behind when you are gone.  What are some distractions that can prevent you from living a fulfilled life, enjoying your relationship and leaving a legacy?

 

  • It has been said that “there is enough for every person’s need, but not enough for every person’s greed.”   Use your resources for good and to help others.  Spend some your money supporting and helping causes you believe in. Volunteer as a couple and be generous with your time and energy.  Deciding together about what and how much you will give or do can make you feel really good about your relationship and what you are contributing to the world.

 

  • Searching for significance. Having said that being generous with your time and resources is a good thing, always giving of yourself and your resources can be unhealthy if you are doing it to gain recognition or significance. It really is a form of co-dependency when you are so focused on helping others that you neglect your own needs and the needs of your partner and family.  Ask your partner if they think that you are out of balance in this area.  Engage a life coach or counselor as an objective person to speak into your life and help you see your “stupid” spots.  (Some people call them “blind spots!”)

 

  • Meaningful work is one of the key ingredients to a happy life. When it becomes an obsession, it is like any addiction in that you give more of yourself to it than you do to your partner.  Setting healthy boundaries regarding your work will afford you the time that you need to spend with your partner to develop a loving, thriving relationship.  Here’s an equation for you:  No boundaries = No life. Help each other to keep a healthy work/life balance and you will both benefit.

 

  • What a waste of your time worry can be. It’s like frantically rocking in a rocking chair.  There is a lot of effort being spent, but you are going nowhere!  Learn to mediate on spiritual principles and truths. Develop your faith and your focus will be adjusted on positive and life-affirming affirmations.  Really, how much of what you worry about actually happens anyway?  And yet, we will rob ourselves and our relationship of the peace and happiness that we could be enjoying.

 

  • It’s good to have “down time,” but it’s not good to become lazy.When we under function, then our partner feels the need to over-function and resentment, even bitterness, can begin to develop.  Being purposeful with your time can help you to overcome laziness.  Make lists – our ask your partner to make a list of things that you could do to lighten their load.  Your self-respect and self-esteem will grow when you make the effort to accomplish even small tasks daily. If you struggle with laziness, a life coach or other mentor could be of benefit to you in defining your life’s purpose.

 

  • It may seem odd to add this to the list of distractions that prevent you from making the most of your time.  However, research has shown that getting adequate rest will increase your productivity and efficiency.  Being purposeful in resting and caring for yourself will make you a more agreeable and enjoyable partner, so take a nap!

 

 

 

TIME STYLES

We are wired differently and those differences extend to how each of us relates to time  How firm is your view of time?  Is it “I’ll be there in 15 minutes (which may be 5 minutes or it may be 30 minutes)” or is it “I’ll be there at 4:15 “which means 4:14 and 59 seconds to make sure you’re precisely on time? Secondly, do you live in “the now” or are you willing to sacrifice present enjoyment for a future benefit?  Are you a dreamer or a planner? Do you try to accommodate every demand or request on your time?   Do you have to process everything and find it difficult to go with the flow?  Both you and your partner have a time style and, changes are, they are different. If your time styles are different, it’s important to communicate, adjust and/or meet in the middle with regard to time.

 

Our time as an individual and as a couple is limited on this earth, so it is important that we learn to make the most of our time and of each opportunity.  To do that we must learn to recognize that distractions, though even though they may seem good, will thwart the fulfillment of our life, relationship and purpose.

 

In addition, we need to acknowledge the differences in time-styles between our mate and ourselves. These are a part of the unique creation that we each are and complementing and adjusting to one another in this area as well is part of growth and evolution as a couple.  We can make them work for us and not against us!

 

If we are weary and exhausted, then we are either trying to do more than we are meant to do or we are doing the wrong things!   A skilled counselor or life coach can be of help in sorting out your life and time involvements.  Life Recon seminars are designed to help individuals lead healthy, balanced and productive lives.  Love Recon seminars are designed to help couples develop satisfying relationships that leave a legacy for their children and families.  Let us know how we can help you!

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.


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