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July 12, 2023

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What A Woman Needs In A Relationship


Everyone has needs, and one of the reasons we are in a relationship is so that our partner can meet those needs in healthy and fulfilling ways. A crucial part of every relationship is knowing your spouse’s needs and trying to meet those needs.

Needs are not gender specific. In other words, we can’t say that all men need the same things and all women need the same things. In general, however, some needs are common to most men, and others are common to most women. The needs of men have previously been addressed in another blog, “What Men Need in a Relationship.”  Therefore, in this blog, the needs of women will be the focus. Below are some of the most common needs of women.


  • That Loving Feeling. Simply put, a woman needs to feel loved. She needs to know that she is her spouse’s priority over anyone andLove Recon Simple and Quick Ways to Connect with Your Spouse hero 1 everything except God. There are two main ways in which a man can help his wife to feel loved:


    1. Be Affectionate. The affection that does not always lead to sex can make a woman feel noticed and cherished. A hug, a kiss, cuddling, holding hands, putting your arm around her shoulder as you sit in a concert, church service, movie, etc., are all typical ways to express non-sexual touch. If she initiates sex when you express affection, enjoy it with her. If she doesn’t, then don’t try to coerce her. She will not trust your affection and will see it as your attempt to get sex.


    1. Talk to Her. What about? Everything! For a woman, conversation can be, and often is, verbal affection. You don’t have to get to the bottom line or solve the issue as men tend to do. It is not so much about the transfer of information as it is about the transfer of feelings. Asking questions about her day and sharing about yours, expressing appreciation for something she does (or did) to lighten your load, and giving her a genuine compliment are all ways to talk with her and make her feel included in your world and even appreciated by you.


  • Admiration and Appreciation.


Taking her for granted will drain her “love account” until it is bankrupted. Praise and appreciation will make deposits into her account and ensure that the needs of both of you are met. Tell her that you love her at unexpected times. Name the things she brings to your life and express appreciation for each. Tell her how what she does and who she is makes you feel. It could be as simple as, “Thanks for helping me clean the garage. It was fun with you involved.”  Don’t always make your admiration and praise be about her appearance. Of course, every woman wants to feel beautiful, but there are more lasting character qualities that she needs to know that she possesses and that you admire.


  • Commitment to Her and the Family.

You can meet her need for you to be committed to her and your family in two primary ways.


    1. Provide Financial Security. Financial security does not mean a man must be wealthy to meet his wife’s needs. In fact, if she has a career outside the home, she may have a higher income than he does. Or, as in an increasing number of households, he is the homemaker, and she is the breadwinner. Financial security is about a wife trusting that her husband will not spend foolishly instead of taking care of financial responsibilities. It means they are on the same page regarding spending, saving, etc. There are no secret bank accounts or hiding of purchases. It is the assurance that he will put her needs and those of the family first in financial matters.


    1. Quality Time Quality time with her is crucial for cultivating your relationship and must be a priority. Being proactive and intentional about dates, evenings together, weekend getaways, cooking together, bike riding or walking, etc., will fill the loving cup. Almost as important to her as spending time with her is spending time with the family. It may be challenging to carve out the time, but worth the effort – for them, for her, and you!


  • Transparency


She needs honesty and openness about everything. About your past, present, plans and dreams, what you ate for lunch, where you are struggling, where you are succeeding, etc. She needs to know you inside and out and


  • Opportunity to Nurture


Men have the need to protect. Women have the desire to nurture. I can get something to eat from our pantry or refrigerator. My wife, however, will insist that I allow her to do it for me. While I might pile something on a plate, she takes the time to make it tasty and with a picture-perfect presentation. It delights her to do so, and it makes my meal an experience. If I deny her that opportunity, I am not fulfilling the need that she has to do something caring for me. I’ve taken away her opportunity to nurture me.


  • Validation


Women want to know that they are seen. They need to know that they are heard. Having empathy and making the effort to see things from their perspective validates them. You don’t have to agree with her, but you need to notice her emotional state and respond to it with empathy. You don’t have to enter the same emotional state or “fix it.”  She needs to know that you see her and are with her, for better, for worse.


  • To Be Desired


A man needs to hear, “You satisfy me.”  A woman, however, needs to hear, “I want you.”  To be attractive to her husband, to be desired by him, affirms her femininity and sexuality. For him to praise her body and for them both to enjoy each other’s bodies strengthens their bond.


  • Safety

The world is not a safe place. A woman needs to know that her husband is a “safe place” for her, that he is strong when she needs him to be, and that he will protect her. Emotional safety is critical to feeling safe enough to be vulnerable and open her heart. She needs to be able to express herself – verbally, sexually, and emotionally- without fear of judgment.


When it comes to his needs versus her needs, a relationship can experience a stalemate. Don’t let that happen! You can meet each other’s needs and experience a fulfilling and satisfying marriage. The first step is awareness. Use this blog and the one entitled “What a Man Wants in a Relationship” to start a conversation with your spouse. We’re here to help. It’s what we do!


If you want to know more about how we can help you build a strong marriage, please contact me at [email protected] or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information.

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.

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