March 30, 2022


What Contented Couples Talk About: Is This You?

Good communication is vital to a healthy and satisfying relationship. When asked, “What would you like to improve in your relationship?” almost every couple answers, “communication.” So, what are the topics that couples who are content in their relationship talk about? Here are ten issues that couples in a healthy and satisfying relationship talk about.

1. Family and Home

Whatever your family and homelife look like, you must talk about all matters related to them. Whether you live in an apartment or a 20-How-We-Interact-as-a-Couple-image-pt.-2-of-2room mansion, there are matters about the running of the household that must be addressed regularly. Whether you have no children and pets or seven children, three dogs, and five cats, it is necessary to discuss how they are being trained, educated, and nurtured. Knowing your child’s favorite toy or what home repairs need to be done enables you to go through it and experience life together. You share life instead of going through it alone.

2. Finances

Couples often fight about money, but it doesn’t have to turn into an argument every time the subject is brought up. It can be a healthy conversation about all of the feelings surrounding money. For example, what is the biggest fear that you have about money? What does money represent to you? How was money handled in your home growing up? What financial mistakes have you made, and what have you learned? What is a financial goal that you would like to achieve? Even when there is the added stress of not having enough money, it is still possible to talk about it, which helps to lower the pressure and keeps you on the same team. Contentment is not found in how much money you have but in how you both handle whatever amount you have.

3. Dreams and Goals

Having someone to share your dreams and goals with is one of the “perks” of being in a relationship. If your relationship is healthy, you can listen to and encourage your partner to pursue the things that are important to them. As a result, dreams seem possible and goals more attainable. Support, especially emotional support, is a massive benefit to you both.

4. Disappointments and Fears

Conversely, when you are disappointed or frustrated in reaching your dreams or goals when you are afraid or mad, your partner can be a great sounding board for you. They can provide a “safe place” to voice your fears without fear of ridicule or judgment. They can help carry your burden and gain perspective on your feelings about the situation.

5. Feelings and Memories

Sharing memories of your childhood and youth enables your partner to participate in those experiences vicariously. When you talk about the feelings associated with the memories, your partner will be able to have empathy and share in those feelings. As a result, your bond will grow more robust, and you will have deeper feelings of knowing each other.

6. Sex

To assume that sex will work itself out without any communication is a mistake. Various factors, such as quantity, quality, and technique, are in play here. You can’t assume that your partner will know how you feel or what to do. And just because you have been together for several years, you can’t think that your sex life will always be the same. A great sex life requires intentionality and communication to keep the flame burning. Know the signs.

7. Politics

Politics can evoke strong emotions and passionate discourse for a couple, especially if their views are different. This is where the communication tool of validation is crucial. Validation says, “I see you. I hear you. I value you.”  It does not necessarily say, “I agree with you.”  To understand and know your spouse, you must hear their viewpoint. It will help you to understand their heart and their values.

8. Religion and Spirituality

Talking about spiritual or religious topics can feel like walking through a minefield. You don’t want to offend your partner, but you also don’t want to be forced into adhering to a faith or religious practice that you don’t believe in. As in all communication, respect for the other person and their viewpoint is vital. Reading more about what your spouse believes can be helpful. Attending an Alpha course designed to help answer the tough questions about faith and spirituality could help. When you are on the same page about how you approach spirituality, not necessarily what you believe about it, you both will be more content in your relationship.

9. Personal and Relational Progress

Thinking about and reflecting upon the personal and relational growth that you have experienced can be rewarding and affirming. Expressing gratitude for how you have grown and persevered through the hard times and the good will deepen your appreciation for each other. It will also strengthen you both for whatever tough times you are presently going through or that lie ahead.

10. Wants and Needs.

The deepest, intimate level of communication is when you feel entirely safe to be transparent and reveal your deepest needs to each other. In most cases, couples desire to meet each other’s needs. However, sadly, very few couples reach this level of communication. We want our spouses to just “know” what we need. It is incredibly unfair to expect our spouse to meet our needs if we are unwilling or unable to express them. Happy couples can be vulnerable and say what they want and need.

If you and your partner cannot talk about these topics, there is help! Often it is just a matter of having the appropriate communication tools and some coaching on using them. Love Recon marriage seminars and retreats and Recon Coaching can help. It’s what we do!

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.

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