A Dozen Ways to Improve Your Sex Life (part 1)

Looking for ways to improve your sex life?
Here is the first part of A Dozen Ways To Make It Happen.

1.Be a sex sleuth.

Good sex begins with accurate knowledge of how sex works and your own preferences and your spouse’s preferences. Learn all that you can about your own body and your mate’s. Read material from reputable sources on the subject. Discover what makes you feel sexually alive and communicate this to your spouse. Ask them what they like and what they dislike, what’s okay and what’s not okay with them.  Find out what sexual expectations you each have. It’s surprising how different they can be!  Anger and resentment can build around unmet sexual expectations that have never been expressed. With communication, and sometimes even compromise, you can achieve a mutually satisfying sex life.

2. Know what makes your spouse feel loved.

Make sure that you know what makes your mate feel loved.   In loving them in the way that they like to be loved – through physical affection, affirming and encouraging words, kind acts that lighten their load, thoughtful gifts or one-on-one time with you- you are engaging in a form of foreplay.  You are creating the environment for good sex.

3. Think “pleasure,” not performance.

So often, the male is focused on performance and pressures himself and his spouse to achieve mind-blowing orgasms. If this doesn’t occur, then disappointment sets in, making both he and his partner feel inadequate as lovers. Focus on what feels good to you and what brings your spouse pleasure. Spend time touching, letting each other know how and where to touch for optimal enjoyment.

4. Lubrication is essential.

Vaginal dryness can be a problem that makes intercourse painful. It is especially true for women in perimenopause. Dryness can be easily corrected with lubricating liquids and gels. Experiment and find ones that you both like. Use them freely to avoid painful sex — a problem that often results in a loss of desire and growing relationship tensions.

5. Take it slow and relax.

Stress and the aging process can each affect the way you each respond sexually.   Don’t become anxious – it only makes it worse.  Be understanding and kind to yourself and your mate and take the pressure off. (See #3 above.)

6. Be affectionate.

Hold hands when you’re walking.  Snuggle on the couch.  Kiss and hug throughout the day.  And do all of this without the expectation of having sex! Affection and comfort with your mate’s body increases the levels of Oxycontin in both men and women. This hormone can help promote trust, empathy, and bonding in relationships, all of which make sex, when it happens, much more intimate and connected.

Be sure to follow us for the next segment coming up.

• How can we improve communication in our relationship?

  Improving communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Avoid interrupting and show empathy towards their feelings. Regularly check in with each other about your needs and feelings, and set aside time for meaningful conversations without distractions.

• What should we do if we have different interests?

  It’s natural for couples to have different interests. Embrace your individuality while finding common activities you both enjoy. Respect and support each other’s hobbies and passions. You can also try introducing each other to your interests and see if there are new things you might both enjoy together.

• How can we keep the romance alive after many years together?

  Keeping the romance alive requires effort from both partners. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and maintain physical affection. Communication is key—express your love and appreciation for each other frequently. Also, make time for new experiences and adventures together to keep the relationship exciting.

• What is the best way to handle disagreements and conflicts?

  Handling disagreements requires calm and respectful communication. Focus on the issue at hand without resorting to personal attacks. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Find a compromise or solution that works for both of you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist if needed.

• How can we build trust in our relationship?

  Building trust takes time and consistency. Be honest and transparent with each other, and follow through on your commitments. Show reliability and dependability in both big and small matters. Address any breaches of trust openly and work together to rebuild it. Trust is reinforced through consistent actions and open communication.