Looking for ways to improve your sex life?
Here is the first part of A Dozen Ways To Make It Happen.
Be a sex sleuth.
Good sex begins with accurate knowledge of how sex works and your own preferences and your spouse’s preferences. Learn all that you can about your own body and your mate’s. Read material from reputable sources on the subject. Discover what makes you feel sexually alive and communicate this to your spouse. Ask them what they like and what they dislike, what’s okay and what’s not okay with them. Find out what sexual expectations you each have. It’s surprising how different they can be! Anger and resentment can build around unmet sexual expectations that have never been expressed. With communication, and sometimes even compromise, you can achieve a mutually satisfying sex life.
Know what makes your spouse feel loved.
Make sure that you know what makes your mate feel loved. In loving them in the way that they like to be loved – through physical affection, affirming and encouraging words, kind acts that lighten their load, thoughtful gifts or one-on-one time with you- you are engaging in a form of foreplay. You are creating the environment for good sex.
Think “pleasure,” not performance.
So often, the male is focused on performance and pressures himself and his spouse to achieve mind-blowing orgasms. If this doesn’t occur, then disappointment sets in, making both he and his partner feel inadequate as lovers. Focus on what feels good to you and what brings your spouse pleasure. Spend time touching, letting each other know how and where to touch for optimal enjoyment.
Lubrication is essential.
Vaginal dryness can be a problem that makes intercourse painful. It is especially true for women in perimenopause. Dryness can be easily corrected with lubricating liquids and gels. Experiment and find ones that you both like. Use them freely to avoid painful sex — a problem that often results in a loss of desire and growing relationship tensions.
Take it slow and relax.
Stress and the aging process can each affect the way you each respond sexually. Don’t become anxious – it only makes it worse. Be understanding and kind to yourself and your mate and take the pressure off. (See #3 above.)
Hold hands when you’re walking. Snuggle on the couch. Kiss and hug throughout the day. And do all of this without the expectation of having sex! Affection and comfort with your mate’s body increases the levels of Oxycontin in both men and women. This hormone can help promote trust, empathy, and bonding in relationships, all of which make sex, when it happens, much more intimate and connected.
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