Does Gaming Harm My Marriage?

DOES GAMING HARM MY MARRIAGE?

Playing video games is a favorite pastime for millions of people. They provide an entertaining way to kill time and decompress from life’s pressures, hardships, and the daily grind. As a result, video games have become a significant part of daily routines in most households and relationships. Findings from a 2019 report from the  Entertainment Software Association revealed that:

• 65% of American adults play video games.
• 75% of American homes own some type of gaming device.
• 72% of gamers are over 18 years old, and the average age is 33.
• 46% of gamers are women, and 54% are men.
• 57% of parents play video games with their children weekly.
• 74% of parents say these activities positively influence their kids.

Is gaming constructive or destructive?

In many cases, gaming offers a healthy and constructive outlet. In addition, it is a social outlet; even individuals far apart can frequently play with the same group.

However, when gaming crosses the line into obsession or addiction, it can damage relationships and even lead to divorce. Spending every waking, free moment involved in a complex and challenging video game creates division and resentment between gamers and their spouses who don’t share the same enthusiasm for the diversion. Fighting orcs or heroically battling bad guys for the gamer can be much more exciting than work or family responsibilities.

On the other hand, a study from Brigham Young University found that “For couples in which both spouses play, 76 percent said that gaming has a positive effect on their marital relationship.”

So, the answer to the question, “Is gaming constructive or destructive to your relationship?” is “both.”  If you as a couple communicate, set expectations, and draw boundaries, gaming can be a healthy part of your life and relationship.

3 Guidelines for Healthy Gaming

Here are three simple guidelines to ensure that gaming does not become a negative force in your relationship:

• First, pay attention to priorities and responsibilities.

Pay attention to your spouse and their needs. Connect with your partner daily and check in with them before you immerse yourself in the alternate reality of your favorite game. Don’t shirk your household chores and responsibilities. So, take out the trash or cook dinner or knock out whatever has your name beside it on the family “to-do” list, and then game away!

• Use gaming as a hobby and for mental breaks.       

Gaming can be great for unwinding and doing something that doesn’t require a lot of brain power. Everyone needs some space to relax and decompress. You can be more present for each other if you have engaged in some healthy activity that centers and settles you.

It’s not okay, however, to use gaming as an avoidance tool so that you don’t have to talk about issues. Likewise, it’s not okay to take multiple days off work for gaming or to spend excessively and compulsively to support your gaming habit.

• Include your spouse in gaming.

According to a TIME article that cites a study on gaming in marriage, when a couple plays together in a spirit of fun and harmony, their marriage benefits. Find a game that you both can enjoy and occasionally play it together. One of you is most likely more into gaming than the other, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun as a gaming couple.

The more experienced gamer must exhibit patience while the less skilled gamer learns the game. The more proficient gamer must also be clear about how to play the game and help their partner learn at their own pace. What you don’t want to do is to make the less skilled partner feel frustrated or stupid.

The phrase “all things in moderation” applies to gaming and many other behaviors and habits in life. Gaming can be a part of a balanced life and relationship or a negative force that causes hurt, misunderstanding, and division.

If you want to discuss how we can help you and your relationship, please get in touch with me at Cliff@LoveRecon.org or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information.

• How can we improve communication in our relationship?

  Improving communication starts with active listening. Make sure to give your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Avoid interrupting and show empathy towards their feelings. Regularly check in with each other about your needs and feelings, and set aside time for meaningful conversations without distractions.

• What should we do if we have different interests?

  It’s natural for couples to have different interests. Embrace your individuality while finding common activities you both enjoy. Respect and support each other’s hobbies and passions. You can also try introducing each other to your interests and see if there are new things you might both enjoy together.

• How can we keep the romance alive after many years together?

  Keeping the romance alive requires effort from both partners. Plan regular date nights, surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and maintain physical affection. Communication is key—express your love and appreciation for each other frequently. Also, make time for new experiences and adventures together to keep the relationship exciting.

• What is the best way to handle disagreements and conflicts?

  Handling disagreements requires calm and respectful communication. Focus on the issue at hand without resorting to personal attacks. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming your partner. Find a compromise or solution that works for both of you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist if needed.

• How can we build trust in our relationship?

  Building trust takes time and consistency. Be honest and transparent with each other, and follow through on your commitments. Show reliability and dependability in both big and small matters. Address any breaches of trust openly and work together to rebuild it. Trust is reinforced through consistent actions and open communication.