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October 27, 2022

Love Recon Hot Buttons hero


Hot Buttons-Learning How to Manage Them

Hot buttons make plain and clear the areas in which we need to heal and grow. ~ Cliff Poe, LoveRecon


Begin with sharing Highs and Lows, then do today’s discussion and application.

Hot buttons are a part of every person, and therefore they are a part of every relationship. You would not be human if you did not have emotional responses to events, statements made by others or the actions of others, including your spouse.

The goal in addressing hot buttons is not to eradicate them. That would make you a robot with no emotions. The goal is to recognize them and manage them so they don’t rule your life and your relationships. And you can help your mate manage their hot buttons as well.

So, what are your hot buttons? Are they still the same as when you went through LoveRecon? Have you become aware of any more? Each of you look at the list and identify your two “hottest” buttons. They could be the same as shared in LoveRecon or they could be different. This is not a comprehensive list, so feel free to add any that are hot buttons for you.

My button gets pushed when I feel….

Feeling DefectiveMisunderstoodDisconnected
DevaluedNot TrustedAfraid

Every hot button has an origin, and it is not your spouse! What made your hot button an emotional trigger? Was it a controlling mother or a father who devalued your thoughts and opinions? What is being humiliated or bullied at school?


Share with your mate the origin of your two hot buttons.

In LoveRecon, we taught you three steps to managing your hot button. The first thing that you do is take ownership of it. You say to yourself, “I’m being triggered and I feel________”. (Insert the name of the hot button: controlled, neglected, etc.) The next step in managing the hot button is to “expose the lie and embrace the truth” about the hot button. Hint: The truth is usually the opposite of the hot button! The third step is to share with your spouse how they might help you in managing this button.

Example:  I get triggered when I feel worthless. The truth is, I am valuable and loved. You can help me manage this button by telling me that you love me at random times and giving me a hug.

Alternate sharing your hot buttons following the script below:

* If for some reason you feel that you are being triggered to the “point of no return,” go to Day 23, “Time Out”.

A: Complete the following statements

  • “I get triggered when I feel…” (Insert the name of the hot button).
  • “The truth is…”
  • “You can help manage this button by…”

B: Complete the following statements

  • “I get triggered when I feel…” (Insert the name of the hot button).
  • “The truth is…”
  • “You can help manage this button by…”

If you have more hot buttons that you would like to process with your mate, simply follow the three steps above.

End with a hug, a kiss and a prayer or wish for your mate!

TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Find an interesting location for a photo shoot and then take pictures of each other. Do fun, unusual poses. Print them and make a scrapbook or post them on social media for your friends to see.

Wnat to know how we can help you turn your marriage into something amazing?

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.

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