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December 14, 2023

How to rekindle Sexual Intimacy

How to Rekindle Sexual Intimacy


Is it possible?

Do you wonder how to rekindle sexual intimacy in your marriage?  Maybe you wonder if it is even possible.  Maybe you wonder if it is even possible.  It seems that you and your spouse are in a sexual rut, and you don’t know how to get out of it. There are a multitude of reasons or even excuses for why things are the way they are.  Life is busy.  It’s so hard to find the time to relax, much less have sex. The kids take every bit of our energy and focus.  Then there are the physical changes that we experience: health issues, fatigue, weight gain, lack of sleep, etc. Add to this the stress of work, finances, and relationship issues and it’s easy to see why you would wonder if it was possible to rekindle sexual intimacy in your marriage. The place to start is to remember or realize why sex is important for you and your marriage.

Why sex is important


·      Regular Sex is Tied to Lower Divorce Rates

Sex is a way for partners to express their love and desire for each other physically. It   helps create a strong bond and fosters a sense of closeness and connection.

  • Sex Releases “Happiness” Hormones and Endorphins

Endorphins released during sex increase your sense of well-being and deepen your connection. Oxytocin produced during physical closeness calms you and strengthens intimacy. You’ll even sleep better because orgasm releases prolactin which has been proven to improve sleep.

·      Sex can be a Stress Reliever

Because sex releases endorphins and promotes relaxation, engaging in sexual activity with a partner can provide comfort and support during challenging times. As a result, it improves moods as well.

  • Sex has Numerous Physiological Benefits

  1. More sex has been linked with improved cognitive function and the growth of new brain cells.
  2. Sex improves hearts health and lowers blood pressure.
  3. Immune function is improved by engaging in regular sex.
  4. Frequent sex has the benefit for women of lighter periods and less painful cramps during menstruation.

·      There are Psychological Benefits to Sex as Well 

  1. A healthy sex life improves self – esteem.
  2. The release of hormones like oxytocin and dopamine cannot only provide feelings of calm and relaxation, but it can also deepen the emotional connection between partners.

·      Communication and Trust are Built

A healthy sexual relationship requires open communication, consent, and trust. Discussing desires, boundaries, and preferences can strengthen the overall communication and trust within the relationship.

·      Compatibility and Satisfaction can be Achieved

 Sexual compatibility is an important aspect of a relationship. It helps partners understand each other’s desires, preferences, and needs, and allows for a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual experience.

As you can see, sex is an important part of our health and functioning as human beings. This kind of intimacy is what sets marriage apart from other types of human relationship and connection. It is a special bond like no other.

It’s important, however, to note that the prominence of sex in a relationship can vary for different individuals and couples. Open and honest communication about sexual needs and desires is crucial to ensure both partners feel fulfilled and satisfied.

So, how do you rekindle sexual intimacy in a marriage?  How do you reignite the spark and fan the flame of sexual desire and fulfillment? It may seem a daunting task to rekindle sexual intimacy, especially if you have had a long “dry spell” from sex in your marriage. A marriage retreat could be helpful since it would be necessary for you to get away from all distractions and focus on one another and your relationship.

Sexual intimacy allows couples to safely share the full spectrum of their sexuality with one another, according to Steven Ing, MFT and Sexual Futurist, in his article, “Sexual Intimacy Isn’t What You Think.”  That is the goal, so how do you get there?

How to Rekindle Sexual Intimacy

Rekindling sexual intimacy can be a gradual and individual process, but here are some suggestions that may help:



·      Talk About It

Transparent communication necessary for rekindling sexual intimacy. Talk to your partner about your desires, fantasies, and any concerns you may have. Honest and open communication is crucial for understanding each other’s needs and creating a safe space to explore intimacy.

·      Spend Quality Time to Connect Emotionally

Engage in activities that promote emotional connection and bonding outside of the bedroom. This can include date nights, shared hobbies, or simply spending uninterrupted time together. Strengthening emotional intimacy often translates into improved sexual intimacy.

·      Experiment and Try New Things

Experiment and try new things: Explore new sexual experiences or techniques with your partner. This can involve trying new positions, oral sex, incorporating sex toys or role-playing, or even exploring different locations. Take turns initiating. Be open to each other’s ideas and preferences and focus on mutual pleasure and satisfaction.

·      Schedule Sex

This may not sound spontaneous or romantic, but it ensures that sex will happen! You can be spontaneous in the ways that you keep things fun and interesting for each other.

·      Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of your physical and mental well-being can positively impact your sexual intimacy. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, such as exercising, eating healthily, getting enough sleep, and managing stress. Feeling confident and energized can enhance your sexual desire and performance.

·      Be Present in the Moment

As mentioned in the introduction to this article, stressors from kids, work, household responsibilities, finances, etc. can draw your attention away from your partner.  Keep your eyes open and look into their eyes.  Focus on them and enjoying your time together. Explore and appreciate their body. Don’t go on autopilot! Even if it doesn’t end with orgasm, your sexual intimacy can be fulfilling and bring you closer together.

·      Don’t Neglect the Foreplay

You may be dealing with time constraints, but don’t make it a habit to skip the foreplay. Quickies are okay sometime, just like fast food can fill a need occasionally, but you really want to enjoy a full meal with all the courses to be satisfied over the long haul.  Foreplay is especially important for women because it helps them get ready for penetration by self-lubricating and elongating the vaginal canal.

·      Seek Professional Help

If you’re facing difficulties in rekindling sexual intimacy, consider seeking marriage help.  Love Recon seminars and Recon Coaching can provide specialized advice, tools, and strategies to help address any underlying issues and improve your sexual relationship.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It’s important to communicate, be patient, and adapt strategies to fit your specific needs and preferences as a couple.  You can rekindle your sexual intimacy.  We can help!




About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.

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