This is Part 2 of How to Remove Barriers to Good Communication
Fear of being judged.
If I am afraid that my mate will judge me, then I am not going to be willing to engage in honest and open conversation with them. There are innumerable things that I could fear judgement about – being stupid, being weak, not being spiritual enough, etc. If you are in a relationship with a controlling or narcissistic person, any perceived weakness of yours becomes the means by which they will attempt to control or manipulate you. A relationship filled with judgement is not a healthy relationship and not one in which good communication can occur.
Lack of time
If you know that you don’t have the time for an in-depth conversation, or a conversation about a sensitive subject, don’t start one! It is unfair to your mate and to you. Some matters in a relationship need to be discussed when there is plenty of time for both of you to communicate your thoughts and feelings and come to a place of understanding.
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Lack of trust
Lack of trust shuts the door to heart-felt, transparency in communication. I will not reveal more of myself to you if I don’t trust you. It is critical for trust to be rebuilt and restored if you want to move forward in your relationship and communicate on a healthy level.
Nothing shows disrespect for your mate in communication more than interrupting them when they are sharing their thoughts and feelings. It says, “I don’t care what you have to say. I and my opinion are more important than you and yours.” And besides, it’s just plain rude to interrupt.
Wanting to be “right”
The desire to always be right is destructive to communication. Your mate will experience your competitive spirit and either engage you in “battle” because they are competitive and well, or they will shut down. Wanting to be right is good in some areas of life. Wanting to win is healthy in some situations, but a relationship is not one of them. No one “wins” an argument in a relationship. No one. You will both lose. So, give up your right to be right and focus on how you can both “win”.
Pushing to solve or resolve an issue
If you are unable to “agree to disagree” or if you have to resolve an issue in that moment before you can move on, then you will miss some of the best solutions and resolutions possible. Sometimes “agreeing to disagree” in that moment and letting it “marinate” for a few days can bring awareness, insight and solutions that we couldn’t have thought of in the moment. Not pushing to solve or resolve the issue can give opportunity for continued conversation and communication of ideas. Having talked it through over a few days, you may actually feel closer to and have more respect for your mate. A feeling that you wouldn’t have had if you had pushed to resolve the issue.
Open and honest communication from the heart is the oxygen that your relationship needs to grow and thrive. It may not be natural to you – it isn’t to most people- but you can learn how if you will practice it and if you will remove the barriers that prevent it in your relationship. LoveRecon Seminars and ReconCoaching are two great resources to help you with this vital life-skill.