September 20, 2022

The Emotional Love Account – Cha-Ching!

Emotional connection means feeling in touch with someone who cares about you. Emotional disconnection is when relationships are hi-jacked and sidetracked. ~ Todd Hicks, LoveRecon

 

In LoveRecon, you participated in a drill in which you listed 3 small things that your mate could do that would make “deposits” into your “emotional love account”. Just like a real bank account, a zero balance is trouble, and a negative balance is the real danger zone. How are you doing on fulfilling those three things? Have you checked in lately to see if there are other things that you could do?

An Emotional Love Account grows when partners make more deposits than withdrawals. The difference between happy couples andLove Recon How to Fight Complacency in Your Marriage hero unhappy couples is how they manage their Emotional Love Account. When it is in the red, partners tend to question each other’s intentions and feel disconnected, or even lonely.  When it is in the black, partners tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt during conflict. They keep their relationship in the positive perspective.

So, how do you measure the balance of your Emotional Love Account? In general, it takes five positive deposits to equal one withdrawal! In other words, one insensitive act or word needs at least five positive, loving acts or words to equal it. And that is for a small withdrawal. A larger withdrawal, i.e. a more hurtful act or word may require even more deposits to bring your love account back into the black.

Dyad

Be kind when you speak. Refrain from “you” statements. When you’re listening, don’t be defensive. Listen to learn so that you can make more deposits in your mate’s Emotional Love Account.

Withdrawals

A: What is one withdrawal that I have made from your Emotional Love Account recently?

B: One withdrawal that you have made recently is… and it made me feel…

A: What I heard you say… Did I get it?

B: “You got it!” or give a gentle correction

Now reverse roles so that each of you has a turn. Repeat as many times as needed for both of you.

B: What is one withdrawal that I have made from your Emotional Love Account recently?

A: One withdrawal that you have made recently is… and it made me feel…

B: What I heard you say… Did I get it?

A: “You got it!” or give a gentle correction

Deposits

A: What is one thing that I can do that would make a deposit in your Emotional Love Account?

B: What you can do to make a deposit is… and that would make me feel…

A: What I heard you say… Did I get it?

B: “You got it!” or give a gentle correction

Again, reverse roles so that each of you has a turn. If you so desire and time allows, go ahead and share up to 3 deposits each that your mate can make.

B: What is one thing that I can do that would make a deposit in your Emotional Love Account?

A: What you can do to make a deposit is… and that would make me feel…

B: What I heard you say… Did I get it?

A: “You got it!” or give a gentle correction

End with a hug, a kiss and a prayer or wish for your mate!

TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Find a song that reminds you of your mate. Play it for them and tell them why it makes you think of them. “Extra points” if you lip sync it or sing it to them karaoke style.

If today’s challenge isn’t feasible, choose from LoveRecon’s 50 Creative Ways to Love Your Mate. (See Appendix)

Galatians 6:9

About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.


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