May 7, 2019

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Struggling Couples Are Discovering: Why Is Marriage Counseling Important?

Staying married is not as easy as people expect it to be. Marriage brings people with different personalities together. Conflict in marriage is expected and there is no shame in that. Sometimes, married couples lack these skills to work through marital problems. Struggling couples are asking for help and want to know why is marriage counseling important. When this happens, either a marriage retreat or marriage counseling is very beneficial. People are staying in unhappy marriages and wait until the resentment builds up till they feel they have no choice but to divorce. They believe that they can flow with the unhappiness hoping that something will change and there will be an instant solution to their problems.

For those who try to work out their issues for the sake of their marriages, they “try” different solutions which never seem to work. Such couples see it as their duty to do everything they can to save their marriage before they leave. There is one thing in common for those who give up on their marriage and those who “try” to, they never go for marriage counseling. It’s unfortunate that many married couples facing difficulties hardly go for counseling yet it could be of great benefit.

Why Is Marriage Counseling Important:

  • It provides a learning opportunity for conflict resolution

The thing with marriage is that there will always be conflict. It’s natural for people to get mad at each other and in the face of disagreement, hurtful words will be said. For many couples, an argument is an opportunity to bring up past mistakes and old wounds. Then it could potentially escalate into violence. When the conflict is left unresolved, couples grow weary and divorce is usually the only alternative that they see. Effective communication is lacking in many marriages,  yet it is something that a marriage cannot do without. In marriage counseling, couples learn how to communicate and how to resolve conflicts in an amicable and violent free manner. During counseling, couples learn communication skills that will help them to not only listen to their spouses but to also process what their spouse is saying. If you want to learn effective communication in a marriage, then you should go for counseling.

  • It teaches you open and clear communication

In many instances, couple arguments are exacerbated when one spouse speaks in resentment and anger. In turn, the partner responds in the same tone. Unfortunately, disagreements cannot be resolved in such a manner. Anger and resentment are the greatest enemies of a marriage. It is in marriage counseling that you learn how to communicate your needs clearly without being resentful or angry. Only then will your spouse be able to respond to your needs. And this can spark a new exciting love life.

  • It teaches you assertiveness free from offensiveness

Have you ever found yourself or your partner exercising assertiveness in your relationship only for it to come off offensive? There is a thin line between being assertive and being offensive. Most people are more offensive than assertive but they believe they are just exercising their right to be their own person. In marriage counseling, each of you will learn how to talk about your issues without fear of hurting the other. You will come to understand that you can get what you need without having to make demands and engage in conflict.

  • You will learn the process of working through unresolved issues

People harbor a lot of unexpressed emotions and feelings in marriage which hinder happiness in the relationship. Marriage counseling is the safe environment to deal with all those unsaid feelings. It is a safe space where you can express any unhappiness you feel. Sometimes it is hard to openly express your feelings even to your spouse, but in marriage counseling you can get your feelings out in the open with the help of a trained professional. You might find out it’s all your marriage needs. You may also discover that your spouse is more than willing to work together to solve the problems in your marriage. But it’s also possible to find out that your spouse is unwilling to do the work. If it does happen, then you will know that you have given it your best shot and then you can make the best decisions possible concerning your life, your family and your future.

  • You will develop a deeper understanding of your spouse

It’s funny that most people never get to know everything about their spouse while they were dating or even in marriage. It is during marriage counseling that you begin to realize that you didn’t know so much about your spouse and what they need. People are often afraid to say their needs out loud or show vulnerability. It’s in counseling that you get to know your partner’s vulnerability and understand much more about what you may have never known about them.

  • You will learn how to negotiate for change within your relationship

People often resist change in a relationship, even if it comes about from people they love. In relationships, it is expected that you don’t like everything that your partner does. There are some things about them that you would like to change, but how do you navigate change so that you don’t hurt your partner in the process? Change is a very touchy topic, but a marriage counselor helps you negotiate the changes that are necessary for the health and growth of your relationship. Relationships are all about compromise. However, compromise must not be one-sided. Both of you must be willing to make the changes for the sake of the other. Remember that being in a relationship is not about having your way all the time or just thinking about yourself. You are expected to place the needs of your spouse before yours- a huge change for most couples!

Marriage counseling is not an assurance of a happily-ever after,  but it greatly increases the odds that you will have a good marriage without the likelihood of divorce or separation. It is no secret that counseling will cost you time, energy and money.  Nevertheless, if you want to save your relationship, then you just have to go for relationship counseling.


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