Questions To Ask Your Spouse On Your Anniversary

Do you maintain your car, boat, motorcycle, etc.? What about your house, your appliances, and your HVAC? All of these require periodic maintenance, and so does your marriage! Every couple could benefit from a marriage help seminar or marriage coaching, even if things are running pretty smoothly. When was the last time you and your spouse performed a marriage check-up? Your anniversary is a perfect time to ask some questions to tune up your relationship. Don’t ask just any questions. Try the ones below to get below the surface to the things that matter in a relationship. Think about all that has happened since your last anniversary, and then each of you answer the questions, one at a time.

1. What is your favorite memory of us this year? Start your conversation on a positive note by each sharing your favorite moment from the past year that involved you both. We tend to cling to the negative, and it seems that we can remember the low points of the previous year with little difficulty. Maybe you became parents. Escaping the impending hurricane and staying with friends was stressful but also an adventure. Scroll through your photos on your phone or camera, and you might find some great moments to reminisce about – maybe even laugh about together.

2. What was most challenging for us this year? A challenge is an opportunity to grow and stretch, so don’t view it as negative. Maybe you had to shift roles because of lifestyle changes. It could be that you worked through a significant issue in your relationship. It could be that you are still working through it. Congratulate each other for hanging in there and for working as a team.

3. Where did we excel? In what areas or ways did you kick a** together over the preceding year? Did you pay off the credit cards? Maybe you were a fantastic team in parenting the kids, getting them to school and all their other activities. What strengths did you exhibit, and how can you maximize those strengths to face future challenges?

4. Three things I have admired or appreciated about you are …Let your partner know what admirable character qualities you have observed in them over the past year and how they make you feel as their spouse. Express appreciation for the tasks they have done that have shared the load and let them know how their doing so made you feel.

5. What are you looking forward to this year? Everyone needs three things to make life enjoyable: someone to love, meaningful work, and something to look forward to. As a couple, it is fun to dream, but don’t only dream about the distant future. So what are you looking forward to in the next twelve months? If you don’t know, then put something on the calendar that you both will anticipate and enjoy.

6. Have your relational needs changed? People change, shift, evolve, grow, and mature. What your spouse needed last year or six months ago may not be what they need now. Neither of you is precisely the same person that entered into this marriage. Take this opportunity to find out what your spouse’s emotional and primary relational needs are now. These needs could include sexual intimacy, appreciation, fun, validation, respect, etc. Be specific and give examples so that your spouse can get it. Also, tell them how you would feel if they did those things.

People change and forget to tell each other. – Lillian Hellman

7. Do you think that we date enough? Are you regularly getting away from work and the kids, even if it’s just a couple of hours a week? Are you satisfied with how often you do this? Not doing this is like having a plant and not watering it. It will wither and die, and so will your relationship eventually. Different plants require different amounts of water; the same is true of relationships. Intentionally take the time to date that your relationship requires to flourish.

8. Are we fulfilling each other’s Love Language? Gary Chapman identifies the five love languages: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Do you know each other’s love language? Don’t assume! If you haven’t ever taken an inventory to determine it, you may do so on www.5LoveLanguages.com. We all enjoy all five love languages but to varying degrees. So which love language is what you need most now?

If you get stuck in any of these questions, it may be time to do a relationship check-up or attend a marriage help seminar or marriage retreat. Let us hear from you. It’s what we do!