You can begin again!
Relationships typically do not fail because couples do not love each other. A broken relationship usually fails because the couple is exhausted from trying to make things work and has given up hope. Communication fails, and there is often a lack of trust. However, starting over with a clean slate and building a healthy relationship is possible. With a conscious effort, you can push the reset button and begin again!
Rebuilding and rejuvenating a relationship can be fulfilling for couples willing to invest time, energy, and love into their partnership. Whether you’re facing challenges or simply looking to rekindle the spark, here are twelve effective strategies to reset your relationship in no particular order.
Ready to heal and do a relationship reset? Take the first steps toward a healthier and more successful relationship with these helpful actions.
1. Get some space.
It is usually a good idea to take a break from the relationship and to get some emotional space from one another. If you are living separately, then this is easier. If you are still under the same roof, you must set boundaries such as sleeping in separate bedrooms, not discussing the relationship for a predetermined time, etc. You both want to let your emotions settle and get as clear-headed as you can about what you want going forward. Seeing a counselor separately is a good idea at this stage.
2. Clarify what you value about the relationship.
Why would it be worthwhile to start over in this relationship? What about this relationship helps you to be better as a person? What joy has this relationship brought to your life? What benefits are there to you, your partner, your family, and even your community when you start over?
3. Determine what went wrong.
How did you get off track? What mitigating factors and circumstances led to the derailing of your relationship? What were the misunderstandings? Why did you stop spending time together? What mistakes did you make? Own them. What mistakes did they make? Pay close attention to what your partner says were their mistakes. If they don’t confess to making mistakes, you may be dealing with a partner with narcissistic tendencies, in which case, you will need to seek more intensive couples therapy. If the relationship is toxic and destructive, then a clean break may be warranted. A good couple’s counselor can help you to evaluate your situation and options.
4. Put the past in the past.
To put the past in the past, it’s important to acknowledge and accept what has happened, learn from it, and then move forward. Here are some steps to help you do that and re-establish your emotional connection:
- Acceptance – Acknowledge that the past cannot be changed. Accept the reality of what has happened and understand that dwelling on it will not alter the past.
- Learn from it – Reflect on the lessons you can take from past experiences. Consider what you have learned about yourself, others, and real life in general.
- Forgiveness – Forgive yourself and others for any past mistakes or wrongdoings. Holding onto grudges or guilt will only hinder your ability to move forward. Forgiveness is the only way to put the past in the past, even if you don’t stay in this relationship. All past grievances must be forgiven and left in the past. Your relationship won’t succeed unless you forgive each other, as often as it takes to leave the hurt and disappointment behind you.
- Focus on the present – Shift your focus to the present moment. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment now.
- Set goals for the future – Look ahead and set new goals for yourself, your relationship, and your family. Focus on what you can do now to create a positive future. If you had them, your old goals and dreams might no longer be viable. It is an excellent time to set new long–term and short–term goals. A short-term goal might be to take an annual vacation without kids. A long-term goal might be the purchase of a second home. You will both have something to look forward to and work toward as a couple.
5. Draw Support from friends.
It is almost always a mistake to involve family members for help in relationship issues. If possible, allow friends who know you both and have your best interests at heart to speak into your life. Don’t be too proud. We all go through difficult times. Ask them what they see that you need to change. Let them encourage you and pray for you. The right kind of friends will strengthen and enhance your romantic life.
6. Get support from a counselor or relationship coach.
A marriage counselor or a relationship coach can significantly benefit you if you decide to put time and energy into restarting your relationship. Besides their specialized training, counselors and coaches are people who have relationships, too, and therefore may have been through the same thing that you and your partner are experiencing. Periodic relationship counseling is a great way to do relationship maintenance throughout life’s ages and stages. Choose the coaching, counseling or therapy that best fits you and the stage of your relationship.
7. Get reacquainted.
People change over time, and it may be that your partner is not the same person you married. Outlooks and preferences change over time and wants and needs evolve. Spend time courting and getting to know each other again.
8. Learn new communication skills.
Communication is the most valuable tool you can use to reset your relationship. It is essential to learn to listen to your partner and validate their thoughts and feelings. Validation does not mean agreement. When I validate you, I tell you that you have value and that your feelings and opinions matter, whether or not I share them. Be aware if you are into your emotions or your logic when you are speaking. Other blogs on this website go deeper into communication. Keep learning and growing in this area, and your relationship will flourish.
9. Lower your walls.
You may have put up barriers to protect yourself emotionally, but now they are isolating you and will prevent you from re-engaging with your partner. They don’t have to come down all at once, but they do have to come down. If they don’t, then your partner will tire of trying to climb over them to get to you. If you want a fulfilling relationship, you must become vulnerable and open to deeper interaction and connection.
10. Learn to Compromise
If you don’t each give up something to solve the issue, you haven’t created a win-win situation. Instead, it is a win-lose situation, in which case you both lose!
11. Express gratitude and kindness.
Being thankful and expressing your thanks to your partner tethers your hearts together. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. And kindness is love in action. Words don’t matter. “I love you” is meaningless unless accompanied by loving actions. Those loving actions are kindness.
12. Plan a honeymoon season.
If you are not careful, many distractions will interfere with your efforts to rebuild your relationship. Now is the time to focus on each other and refresh your relationship. Be sure to spend quality time together. The honeymoon phase is not. just for newlyweds to enjoy! Clear your calendar of non-essential activities and appointments to spend more focused time with each other. Develop a fun relationship. If possible, take a vacation or even a couple of mini vacations.
No matter what you may have heard, starting over in a relationship is possible. If you both are willing to do what it takes and love each other, it can happen. Love Recon can help. It’s what we do!
