web analytics

December 27, 2023

How to Reset Your Marriage in the New Year

How to Reset Your Marriage in the New Year

In this article, we examine ways that you can reset your marriage in the New Year- or anytime.  If you have been struggling in your marriage or if it’s become stale and unsatisfying, it’s never too late to do a “reset” of your relationship.  If you and your spouse are both willing to make some changes and put in the effort, you can reset your marriage and enjoy your best year yet as a couple!


• Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness is crucial in any marriage. You can start the new year with a clean slate if you are willing to forgive any offenses that you harbor against one another. Resolve to let go of past grudges and put the past in the past. Be quick to forgive and even quicker to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness frees you of anger, bitterness, and resentment and opens your heart to love. If you are stuck in unforgiveness, finding marriage help would be a wise course of action. None of the other resolutions that you make for your marriage will work if there is a wall of unforgiveness between you.


• Show Appreciation and Gratitude

Make a conscious effort to express gratitude and appreciation for your spouse regularly.
Tell them “Thank you” for even the small things every day. Leave a thoughtful note or surprise them with their favorite treat. Admire a positive character quality that they possess and tell them how that quality makes you feel as their spouse.


• Practice Gratitude Journaling

One way that you can express appreciation and gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. In the journal, both you and your spouse write down things you appreciate about each other and your marriage. This exercise can help you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and foster a grateful mindset.


• Be Kind

In the words of Clare Pooley of the Authenticity Project, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” Everyone struggles and needs someone to understand and be kind to them, and yet kindness is lacking in so many relationships. Grand gestures are great, but it is the everyday kindnesses that makes your spouse feel loved. Bringing them their coffee, charging their phone, filling up their car, and other acts of kindness will let them know that you care and that you are thinking of them.


• Practice Empathy and Compassion

Make a resolution to cultivate empathy and compassion towards your spouse. Try to understand their perspective, validate their feelings, and offer support during difficult times. This will create a safe and nurturing environment within your marriage. A practical way to do this is to take time to share your highs and your lows each day. Be happy with your spouse in the good things that they share. Say things like, “That’s awesome! I wish I could have been there to see your face when that happened!” in their high moments. When they share a low, you could express empathy with a statement such as, “That must have been very difficult. How can I help?” Be careful, however, not to try and fix anything that they haven’t asked you to help fix.


• Prioritize Quality Time Together

Let one of your resolutions be to spend more intentional, uninterrupted time with your spouse. This could include weekly date nights, weekend getaways, or simply setting aside regular time each day to connect and talk. Even just a few minutes each day in which you focus on each other and your relationship can make you both feel that you and your relationship are a priority.


• Improve Communication and Conflict Resolution


One of the best ways to reset your marriage is to resolve to enhance your communication skills within your marriage. This can involve active listening to each other, owning and expressing your feelings, and validating your spouse. Sharing your wants and needs so that your spouse is aware is important as well. When your communication improves, you can more effectively resolve conflict and develop strategies to handle conflict as teammates, not opponents. For more on communication, see our blog, “How to Improve Communication in Marriage.”


• Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of yourself individually is essential for a healthy marriage. Make a resolution to prioritize self-care activities like exercise, hobbies, or personal time, which will ultimately benefit your overall well-being and positively impact your marriage.


• Support Each Other’s Goals and Dreams

Encourage and support your spouse in pursuing their goals and dreams. One way that you could do this is to take an overnight retreat and evaluate your personal goals as well as your couple goals. Work separately on your personal goals and then share them with your spouse. Work together on your couple goals and make sure that they align with your personal goals. Make the resolution this year to reset your marriage by setting and sharing goals.


• Keep the Romance Alive

Resolve to keep the romance alive in your marriage. Plan surprise romantic gestures, create a regular date night schedule, or simply find ways to show your love and affection towards your spouse consistently. Find out what makes them feel loved and then consistently do those things. If you attempt to love your spouse in the ways that make you feel loved, your efforts will be futile. Become an “expert” lover by knowing what your spouse requires to feel loved and then doing those things to keep the romance alive.


• Foster a Culture of Teamwork

Commit to working together as a team in all aspects of your marriage. Have conversations about how you can share responsibilities. Forget stereotypical roles and do what works best for your team. He may be the better cook and she may be better at home maintenance. What matters is what works for you. Some roles and responsibilities can be assigned to each of you and then there are those that both are responsible for. Being a team includes sharing responsibilities, making joint decisions, and supporting each other through life’s challenges.


• Seek Professional Help When Needed

If you’re facing significant challenges or struggles in your marriage, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a marriage counselor or therapist. Making a resolution to prioritize your marriage’s well-being by seeking outside assistance can be a valuable step towards growth and resolution. Attending a marriage retreat could be a great way to jumpstart your marriage reset for the new year.


• Nurture Intimacy

Intimacy is an essential aspect of a thriving marriage. Resolve to prioritize physical and emotional intimacy by being affectionate, exploring new ways to connect, and openly discussing your desires and needs. Sharing new experiences together can be fun and will create experiential intimacy. Spiritual intimacy can be built by sharing common beliefs and practices that connect you to God and each other. Sharing goals, discussing ideas, reading together will foster intellectual intimacy. As you can see, intimacy is not just about sex. It is about being known and connected in deep ways in all parts of your life together.


• Regularly Reassess and Adjust

Make a resolution to regularly reassess your marriage and make necessary adjustments. This can involve having open and honest conversations about your relationship, seeking professional help if needed, or attending a marriage seminar or retreat.


• Celebrate Milestones and Anniversaries

Commit to celebrating milestones and anniversaries in meaningful ways. Whether it’s planning a special trip, organizing a surprise party, or writing heartfelt letters, celebrating these moments will strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.


• Remember to Laugh and Have Fun

Finally, as you reset your marriage for the new year, make a resolution to have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Laugh, create new memories, and find joy in the everyday moments. Remember to nurture the friendship aspect of your marriage and prioritize having fun together. It’s not frivolous or a waste of time. Have fun and laughing will rejuvenate you and your relationship!

Love Recon can help you and your spouse reset your relationship and create the marriage of your dreams. Contact us today to find out how we can help you!


About the author 

Cliff Poe

Cliff Poe is Founder and Lead Coach for Recon Coaching. He and his wife, Jeani, are Master Coaches and their passion is to help individuals and couples form healthy, lasting and satisfying relationships. Cliff has a M.Div. in pastoral counseling and ministry. He enjoys writing and coaching as well as his family which includes 2 adult kids and their spouses, 6 grandchildren and a fur family composed of a Golden Retriever and a Mackerel Tabby.

Start Saving Your Relationship Today

Get our FREE 3-day guide and find out how
your marriage will change
in ways you've always dreamed.