Simple and Quick Ways to Connect with Your Spouse

Simple and Quick Ways to Connect with Your Spouse

Ideally, you and your spouse would be able to have long uninterrupted periods in which you could enjoy conversations and activities that deepen your connection. That sounds great, but it’s just not the world that most of us live in. Jobs, kids, household chores, etc. can rob you of time and energy such that your “couple time” may be reduced to a 5-minute conversation about scheduling tomorrow’s activities and responsibilities and a kiss goodnight. So how can you connect in quick and simple ways that can be worked into your already busy life? Below are some easy and even fun ways – connectors – that you and your spouse can practice to keep that spark alive. Some take only a moment, and others may take 20-30 minutes. All of them could be worked into a busy life with awareness and intentionality.

Physical Connectors

Physical contact releases bonding hormones and endorphins, so don’t neglect this powerful area of connection. Here are some ways to experience physical touch with your mate:

1. Snuggle on the Couch. Physical touch is the objective here, so whether you are checking your email or watching TV, ensure that your bodies are in contact with one another.

2. Hold hands. Whether walking together or conversing, holding hands is a simple and easy connector.

3. Shower together. Since you will clean up anyway, why not make it a shared experience ?”You wash my back, and I’ll wash yours!” “That darned soap just keeps slipping out of my hands!”

4. Do a stare-down. If “the eyes are the windows to the soul,” why not look into the eyes of your soulmate? Rarely do most couples pause long enough to make eye contact, even for 60 seconds. Hold hands and look into each other’s eyes without saying a word, and “listen” to what your heart will tell you.

5. 10-Second Hug or Kiss. Make it a game. Either of you may call for a 10-second kiss, a 10-second hug, or both! Don’t make it a prelude to sexual intimacy. Instead, enjoy the physical connection and the benefit of lowered blood pressure and stress.

6. Exercise together. Even if you are at different levels, you can simultaneously exercise in the same room. The couple that sweats together, well, sweats together. A video call could work if you are in separate locations.

7. Dance around the kitchen to your favorite song or track. Even a 3-minute dance has great bonding power.

8. Kiss hello, goodbye, good night, and “just because.” It has even been proven that kissing builds immunity because of the shared germs!

9. Give a shoulder rub, foot rub, or full massage. A brief massage is enough to feel closer to and more appreciative of our spouse.

10. Sexual intimacy. Sex can be like a fast-food drive-through or a full 7-course meal. The key is to be intentional and to talk about your sex life. Decide on the frequency that works for you – once a week, daily, twice a week, etc. Discuss whose responsibility it will be to initiate. Just remember, “Women need to feel loved to make love. Men need to make love to feel loved.”

Intellectual Connectors

1. Read a book together. You could each download it or get your own copy so that you read it separately and then discuss it. You could also alternate reading it aloud to each other and then discussing it.

2. Play a game. It could be a card game, a board game, or an online game. Just enjoy it and agree that the loser will do one of the other’s household chores or whatever the winner requests. Use your imagination!

3. Watch a documentary. Expand your knowledge as you strengthen your couple connection.

4. Make a couples’ vision boar. Dream about what you would like to achieve and experience as a couple. Include where you want to live and how you want to live. What goals do you each have, and what goals do you have as a couple?

5. Create your bucket lists. Each of you create a bucket list of what you would like to do in your time here. Then, you can encourage and support each other in accomplishing those things.

Spiritual Connectors

1. Pray together. Prayer is simply a conversation with God. You and your spouse are inviting God into your relationship and your conversation. If you are unsure how to do this, consult with a friend, a leader in your church, or a qualified relationship coach. An online search could be of assistance.

2. Pray for each other. When you are driving to and from work, as often as your spouse comes to mind, pray for them.

3. Read scriptures. Read or listen to scriptures and discuss them. A simple formula to do
   1. What are 3 things that we can learn about God from this passage?
   2. What are 2 feelings that I/we have about this passage?
   3. What is 1 action that I/we can take based upon this passage?

4. Attend worship together. Services are offered at various times, ranging from traditional to contemporary music and messages.

5. Join a group of other couples for study and fellowship. Many churches sponsor small groups that meet either on campus or in homes. Members encourage and support each other as they “do life” together.

Emotional Connectors

1. Pay attention. Listen intently. Put down your phone. Let your spouse know that they are a priority in your life. Validate them by giving them your full attention, even if only for a few minutes. Sixty seconds is longer than you think.

2. Share your highs and lows. Every day, take a few moments for each of you to share your “high” and your “low” for the day. Empathize with each other. To empathize is to share their feelings. Celebrate their victories, no matter how small, and join them in feeling their disappointments and defeats.

3. Admire and appreciate each other. Every day, share one thing you admire or one you appreciate about your spouse and how it makes you feel. To admire is to focus on a positive character quality. For example: “I admire your perseverance. It makes me know I can count on you, no matter what.” To appreciate is to say “thank you” for something your spouse has done that has lightened your load. For example: “Thank you for plugging in my phone last night. It made me feel noticed and cared for.”

4. Get ready for bed together. Perform your bedtime rituals together. Talk and pray together. Kiss goodnight. Try this, even if one of you will get up to finish a project or some other productive task.

5. Smile! Be mindful of smiling at your spouse as often as you can. Communicate your love and gratitude for them through your facial expressions. Again, body language communicates much more clearly than words.

Staying connected is work, but it is the most rewarding work you can do! Anytime you feel disconnected, be honest with each other and intentionally do the things that will draw you closer together. If this is not possible, consider getting marriage help through a marriage retreat or a marriage seminar. Love Recon experience or Recon Coaching can help you reconnect or connect for the first time. It’s what we do!