How Tough Times Can Build Your Relationship

Eventually, every marriage will face adversity and trials, i.e., tough times. It may be illness or coping with the death of a loved one, natural disasters like hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, job loss, and financial problems. Every marriage will be tested and tried. Yet, tough times do not have to mean the end of your relationship. How you handle and respond to the hardship will determine whether you continue to build your relationship or whether your relationship crumbles and fails. No doubt you have heard of post-traumatic stress syndrome. But chances are that you have never heard of post-traumatic growth. According to a Forbes article, researchers have discovered five common themes that people report after they have experienced a significantly stressful event:

• Renewed appreciation for life
• Enhanced personal strength
• Stronger, more meaningful relationships
• Spiritual growth
• Recognizing new paths for your life

This is true of individuals who experience tough times, and it is also true that dealing with adversity can bring a couple closer together or drive them apart.

Here are some ways that tough times can help you build a stronger marriage if you are aware of them and adopt a positive mindset.

1. Tough times reveal our growth areas.

This may seem like a negative at first, but it’s not. Every relationship has a measure of dysfunction that the couple doesn’t realize or doesn’t want to deal with. We may not be as trusting of our partner as we could be. Our communication may only be surface and without intimacy. Our selfish habits need to be owned and dealt with. Becoming aware of unhealthy tendencies in ourselves and our relationship is the first step toward growth and a stronger relationship.

2. Tough times reveal our strengths.

We may be surprised at the depth of the resiliency and resourcefulness of our spouse and even ourselves through adversity. Our spouse’s perseverance and faith may cause us to admire, appreciate, and love them even more.

3. Tough times teach us teamwork.

Hardship or tragedy can force us to come together to find a way forward. No one person has all of the strengths and abilities necessary for every situation. In tough times we learn to rely upon our spouse’s strengths and capabilities. We have to trust each other in navigating unexpected trials. It is often the case, after a problem, that couples express gratitude that they experienced the painful challenge because it forged them into a stronger team.

4. Tough times sharpen our communication skills.

Communication is the most essential skill for any marriage—every strong marriage results from two people who know how to communicate. And if a couple wants to make it through adversity, they have to be willing to listen to each other. For example, when dealing with infidelity or one partner wanting out of the marriage, we must listen and seek to understand each other’s needs. Improved communication skills will not only help couples through tough times, but they will also build a stronger foundation for the future.

5. Tough times deepen our faith and spirituality.

During the difficult seasons of life and marriage, our faith can be strengthened if we will focus on our relationship with God. In the New Testament of the Holy Bible, we read, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” (James 1:2-3, NIV) This can be true if we choose to believe in God and the promises of His word. The seemingly impossible can become possible, and miracles can happen, no matter how seemingly hopeless or dire the situation may be.

6. Tough times open new paths for us.

When what we have previously done isn’t working, we are faced with the choice of doing something new, with trying a different path. We can decide to invest more in ourselves and our marriage in ways we have not previously. It could be that we read recommended books on relationships or attend a marriage help seminar. Getting a life and relationship coach can be a helpful option. Tough times can help us become unstuck in ways we would never have experienced if adversity had not come into our lives.

Tough times can catalyze growth and more profound and stronger love between you and your spouse. If you are going through challenging times now, don’t waste the experience! Instead, determine that you will grow through it, learn the lessons you need to learn and make the changes you need to make.   Call Love Recon. We can help!