Signs Of Selfishness In Marriage

Signs Of Selfishness In Marriage

Selfishness is the root cause of most marital strife and problems in

a relationship. It is the anthesis of being loving and meeting your spouse’s needs. As a result, selfishness in marriage can lead to constant arguing, emotional distancing, and even divorce. So, how do you know if you or your spouse is being selfish? Here are some common expressions of self-centered behavior to watch for:

1. Always right – never wrong. A selfish spouse can never admit that they are wrong. As a result, they will rarely, if ever, apologize or ask for forgiveness. If you think that this sounds like a narcissist, you are correct. Selfishness and narcissistic behavior are two sides of the same coin.

2. Refusal to apologize. A selfish person will blame others when things aren’t right, or they are engaged in a conflict. They won’t accept or ask for feedback because nothing is ever their fault. The words “I’m sorry” are foreign to them.

3. Lack of interest in your interests. In a healthy relationship, a couple will engage in activities or hobbies that interest them both and that they both can enjoy. Of course, you may have different hobbies or interests, but you show interest in what your partner enjoys or loves. A selfish spouse will only participate in what they want to do. If they do engage in an activity they don’t enjoy, they often will ensure that you don’t enjoy it either. If a spouse has no interest in your hobbies or passions, they are being selfish.

4. Lack of appreciation. A great husband or wife acknowledges when their spouse does something that blesses or benefits them. However, they are selfish if they never express genuine thanks and appreciation for what you do.

5. Obsession with Control. Being “large and in charge” can be a problem in a relationship. Of course, sometimes we want our spouse to be strong and lead in an area. But, if they want to dominate consistently, always make the decisions, and don’t value your opinion, they are control freaks – another sign of selfishness.

6. Taken for granted. Your spouse is being selfish if they think that you will always be there for them, no matter how they ignore or mistreat you. There are no romantic gestures, respect for your time, or interest in your health and well-being. Even in sex, it is only about their pleasure and satisfaction, not yours.

7. Career is first. Putting their job before you and their family indicates a selfish person. Everything and everybody, including you, has to serve the purpose of advancing their career.

8. Non-support of your dreams. Your career, goals, and plans are always secondary to theirs. If a sacrifice is to be made in this area, you will be the one to make it.

9. Standards don’t apply. They will lecture you on how to do things, spend money, etc., but they will not live up to the same standards.

10. Self-absorbed. All this spouse thinks about is themselves – what they want and need. There is little to no interest in you, your family, or your friends. As a result, your needs are not considered or met.

If you are married to a selfish person or are one yourself, the good news is that change is possible! The first step is to recognize it and do some soul-searching regarding why selfishness exists. A good counselor, life coach, or pastoral counselor can help.

If you want to know more about how we can help you build a strong marriage, please get in touch with me at Cliff@LoveRecon.org or call 866-218-1716. You may also visit our website, www.LoveRecon.org, for testimonials and information.